I Faked Being Sick Two Hours Into Our Date Because You Were Wearing Sweatpants

We had been on two coffee dates, and you were really excited about seeing me again. I was open to possibilities but I have to be honest, I didn’t really have the jumpy claps, since at 2 AM on New Year’s Day I received a text from you that said, “I have a question I want to ask you but probably shouldn’t.”

You should know that my first reaction that that text was to think, “then don’t.” Instead, I just replied, “oh?” and stared at my phone in disbelief a minute later when you said, “is what we have heading toward a romantic relationship? The reason I ask is that someone asked me and I didn’t know how to answer.”

Ummm. Yeah, no.

A million things went through my head. Were you really asking this after spending a total of 2.5 hours together? Were you even thinking about this? Why were other people asking you about us? Why did other people even know about me?

I told you that I absolutely could not answer your question at that point, that I liked what I knew of you so far but I don’t jump into relationships that quickly and that I needed to know much more about you before I could make any decision like that.

You responded that my answer was better than a flat out no, and that even though it was early, you thought there was potential for a long term relationship.

Gotta tell you, my interest in you declined a good 50% right at that moment.

But you asked to see me again, and with no other prospects on the horizon and figuring I had nothing to lose, I said yes. You wanted to spend an entire afternoon and evening with me, and worse, you wanted to go Niagara Falls, which is pretty much my least favourite place on earth and I can’t understand why anyone would want to drive 2 hours to look at a waterfall and let’s face it, twenty seven point five seconds is more than enough time to spend there, but I agreed, thinking that at the end of the day I would either really like you or really hate you. As the date approached the weather report called for rain all day and you suggested we stay closer to home and drive out to a little village just outside of town, where again, a few minutes is too long to spend there, but again, I agreed, thinking I’d leave this one in your hands and that if you were really interested in me, you’d come up with fun things for us to do.

The morning of our date, I got up early. I put on a dress and did my hair really nicely. I put on makeup, more makeup than I would ever put on on a Saturday morning, added jewelry, slipped my feet into my cute new boots.

Then I waited. And waited. And waited. And half an hour after you were supposed to pick me up, you texted to say you were almost there.

And then you finally got to my house, and I gave myself a pep talk and reminded myself to give you the benefit of the doubt and keep an open mind, and I climbed into your truck and looked over at you.

And you were wearing sweatpants.

I’d like to tell you that I’m not shallow and that I don’t care about things like that. I’d really like to tell you that. But buddy. Sweatpants. Sweatpants. And not even dark, neutral sweatpants. Gross, grey sweatpants. And old, untied running shoes to boot.

I gave myself another pep talk as we drove out to the village, thinking that maybe I could look past it, maybe it didn’t matter, maybe your personality would shine and I would get to know you better and think you were great. I smiled halfheartedly and agreed with the things you were saying, all the while watching your sweatpants out of the corner of my eye and trying to keep the grimace off my face.

In the village, you asked me what I wanted to do, and I felt myself deflate a little further, realizing you hadn’t planned anything. I suggested we get a cup of coffee at the bakery. We sat at a little table and I listened to you talk mostly about yourself, telling me how you’re knowledgeable in this and an expert in that, and how you consider yourself quite a serious photographer but you use a Sony camera (sorry, but I’m not that serious a photographer but even I know it’s Canon or Nikon or nothing). You talked about your kids, which was fine, and you talked a lot about your ex wife, which was not so fine, and also curious since you told me soon after we met that you don’t like talking about past relationships since you’re “totally over it” and it serves no purpose to dredge up the past.

And all the while, a little voice in my head steadily repeated, “sweatpants, sweatpants, sweatpants” over and over.

After two hours, I put down the small cup I’d been pretending to still sip tea out of for the past hour, and looked at you expectantly.

“Do you want to wander through the stores in the village?” you asked.

I really didn’t, but I had promised myself I would give it at least the afternoon to see what could happen, so I agreed. When we left the bakery, though, it was tipping rain and you changed your mind and decided we should run back to the car. In the truck, I didn’t bother pretending to think of something else to do. You clearly had no ideas, and I wasn’t interested enough to put in the effort.

“Well… what could we do?” you wondered.

And at that moment, there was only one thing I could say.

“I’m actually not feeling all that well.”

You were kind, and immediately offered to take me home. I feigned a desire to continue the date in spite of my “tummy problems” but when my stomach growled right at that moment (out of hunger because it was 2:30 PM and I hadn’t had anything to eat), I jumped on the opportunity and let you take me home.

In the driveway, you said you hoped we could pick up where we left off soon. I mumbled something, apologized again and jumped out of the car. Less than an hour later I was having a Newsroom marathon with a friend. Will McAvoy never wears sweatpants.

It would have been a lot better if I’d just told you it wasn’t a match for me and I wanted to cut the date short. But how could I possibly tell you that the biggest reason I wasn’t interested was that you had worn sweatpants? You’d have thought I was a shallow bitch, and sir, in this instance you very well might be right. You’re probably a great guy. But dating is hard, and men already have it way easier than women. I had to get up early on a weekend, fuss over my hair and makeup, put on something nice. All you had to do was roll out of bed and put on crappy jeans and a t-shirt, and you couldn’t even do that.

So next time you meet someone, here are a few pointers for not turning her off. Number one, don’t tell her after a couple coffee dates that you think there’s potential for a long term relationship. If you like a girl, pursue her, don’t declare your undying love for her. Number two, come up with a proper idea for a date and follow through on it. Show her you like her by actually putting some thought into what you’re going to do with her.

And for heaven’s sake, when the date day comes, put on a pair of fucking jeans and tie your shoes. She will notice, and appreciate the minimal effort you took to make yourself look like a human being.

Are You Making Too Much Time For Your Relationship?

* Client stories have been shared with permission and names have been changed.

It’s Friday night and Erin is home alone again. She hoped he’d call. He said he might. He didn’t. So, she’s got Netflix and a glass of wine in her PJ’s. She scrolls the Instagram feed. She’s jealous of her friends who are all out at a local bar listening to live music. It looks like they are having a really good time. They used to invite her to go places. They don’t so much anymore. She said no too many times. She has a boyfriend after all.

He texts her about 11:00. He doesn’t even ask to come over this time. He tells her he’ll touch bases with her tomorrow to make plans. He doesn’t do that either. He does call her Sunday afternoon though. They talk for awhile. He ends up coming over. She cooks him dinner. They watch football. He stays the night. Erin was happy she finally got some time with him.

Monday morning at work everyone is talking about their weekend. Most of her co-workers did really cool things. Sailing, hiking, live music, an art exhibit. Erin sat around looking at Instagram, watching her phone for a text message, watched football, and got laid. She doesn’t like how she feels but she doesn’t know what to do.

Casey has been married for six years. She’s got a beautiful home and a job she likes but she’s bored. She watches him sitting on the couch buried in his laptop. He rarely looks up. He went hunting last weekend so she’s hoping they can do something together next weekend but she doesn’t ask. He tells her he’s working, but she can clearly see he’s watching videos and reading articles from FB. Even though she’s sitting next to him most of the evening, most every evening, she feels very lonely.

She tells him she’s going to bed. He tells her he’ll be there in a little bit. She takes her time getting ready to crawl into bed. She showers, brushes her hair, she even puts on a little makeup. She hopes he will notice her. However, at 2 a.m. when he finally crawls into bed, she barely stirs. She’s been asleep for more than two hours.

She doesn’t think he’s having an affair. She doesn’t think he’s flirting with anyone online. She just thinks surfing videos and articles about investing are more interesting than she is. She can’t blame him, but she’s angry anyway.

The next day at work it’s announced there is a position coming available at her firm. It would be a promotion for her. It’s pretty much her dream job. She reads the job description, takes a deep breath and closes the email. She’s not sure she’s good enough. She doesn’t feel like taking risks right now. She decides not to apply.

Erin and Casey have very different lives but they have some things in common. They both feel invisible in their relationships. They’ve both been ghosted by partners that haven’t actually left. They’ve both put their lives on hold hoping a man will give them some attention and entertain them. They are both lonely because they’ve bet on a man who isn’t delivering connection, or much of anything else.

A few days ago, I talked to a man. We’ll call him Scott. Scott has been with his girlfriend for almost a year. He’s thinking about ending it but he’s torn. He says he still has feelings for her. When I asked him why he might want to end it he replied, “She used to be so interesting. She was the most interesting woman in any room. She always had something going on. We could talk for hours about anything. In the beginning I couldn’t wait to see her. She wasn’t always available. She spent a lot of time with her friends and family. But somewhere along the line the Friday night, Saturday night date became assumed. She quit going to her yoga class. She quit taking her art lessons. She quit going hiking with her friends. I feel responsible for her. I don’t like that feeling. We just don’t talk like we used to. I hate to say it, but she’s boring me.”

When a man says he’s bored with a woman, women almost always think he means sexually. That’s almost never the case, at least in the beginning. It can creep into that territory pretty quick, but it usually starts with him being bored with her in general because she has given up everything that made her interesting to clear the decks for him. I have a close friend who gave up every weekend for almost a decade waiting for a phone call that rarely came and didn’t even notice she’d disappeared from her own life. I’ve been guilty of it more times than I care to count in smaller but still corrosive ways.

A man will lose interest in a woman who’s waiting around. Some would say it’s about that game of pursuit that men seem to like so much. However, I think it’s more fundamental than that. Waiting around is boring and it makes for a boring woman. A woman that puts her life on hold for a man stops being as attractive because her light dims. It doesn’t matter if she’s dating him for a few weeks or if she’s been married for a decade.

If you want him to love you they way he did in the beginning, be the woman he fell in love with. Chances are pretty high, that woman had a life.

Stop Romanticizing The People Who Hurt You

Stop remembering the good memories. Don’t think about the times they made you laugh, but remember the times they broke you and made you cry. Count the number of sleepless nights, the unanswered text messages, the broken promises, and the shattered dreams.

Stop remembering them as the hero you created in your mind. Remember them as the one who broke your heart.

Realize that you are replacing the reality of them with your memory of them; giving them more credit than they deserve. You’re remembering them as a glorified version of who they were, but this is not their reality.

They are not the person you want them to be. They are not the person you dream about when you go to sleep. They are not the person who swept you off your feet. If they were, they would still be here.

Stop defending them to your friends when they ask.

Stop making excuses for why they hurt you.

Stop waiting for the moment that they will walk through that door and apologize. Because it won’t happen. They walked away and they aren’t coming back. Stop waiting for them at all.

Stop hoping that they will come back to you and realize that you are better without them. Be thankful that they set you free. Let go of the future you once had planned. Be open to the endless opportunities and the new loves and adventures that will come your way.

Stop loving them. Let them go even though your heart is screaming for you to hold on.

The person you fell in love with is gone, they aren’t there anymore. All that’s left is a shadow, a remembrance, a shell of the person you once loved.

Stop thinking that no one will ever love you the way that they did, because someone will love you better.

Stop romanticizing the people who hurt you. They walked away, and you should too.

Blue economy conference opens in Nairobi

The first ever global blue economy conference opened in Nairobi on Monday.

The three-day gathering seeks to harness the promise and address the vulnerabilities of the blue economy.

Over 18,000 participants are attending the conference which is expected to come up with strategies to harness water resources to improve the lives of all, particularly people in developing states.

The delegates will also learn how to leverage the latest innovations, scientific advances and best practices to build prosperity while conserving waters for future generations.

President Uhuru Kenyatta pledged Kenya’s support for the sustainable blue economy by highlighting key areas of focus.

Greater opportunities

He said Kenya would lead in the adoption of appropriate policies, strategies and mechanisms to harness the blue economy to re-energise national economies and create greater opportunities and jobs.

“I am convinced that for the sake of the present and future generations, and for the continued viability of our ecosystems, we have to envision a different future and, therefore, a different model for the blue economy. I pledge to envision that future and do my part to promote it,” President Kenyatta said.

His administration, said President Kenyatta, was taking measures to revive Kenya’s maritime transport by building and expanding its ports and shipping facilities, and partnering with global shipping lines to extend its maritime reach.

“We are enhancing our capabilities for Kenya seafarers to work on ships across the vast oceans by, inter alia, upgrading the Kenya Maritime School.”

Work together

President Kenyatta last week launched the Kenya Coast Guard Service to police Kenya’s territorial waters and resources as well as ensure that the nation fully benefits from its water resources.

He called for the world to work together to secure success in managing the global aquatic resources for sustainable global development.

Other heads of state and government at the conference, who included, President Yoweri Museveni (Uganda), Filipe Nyusi (Mozambique), Abdullahi Mohamed (Somalia), Ali Mohammed Shein (Zanzibar) and Danny Faure of Seychelles, committed themselves to the preservation of the marine resources, saying if well harnessed, marine resources could contribute more than double the current global economy.

Even Though You Broke My Trust, I Won’t Let You Break Me

I met you while in a pretty broken state. I met you while trying to learn to love myself while also trying to put the pieces back together. It was safe to say I was afraid to love. It was safe to say I was terrified to let someone in.

I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to give someone my all without just assuming I’d get hurt. I spent so long putting those walls up, I couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to break them down.

But you convinced me. You convinced me that loving you would be worth it. You convinced me that you would give me everything I needed. You convinced me that I could trust you.

I was apprehensive- but I did it. I was scared, I was nervous and quite frankly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

But a lot quicker than I ever planned, I fell completely and absolutely head over heels for you.

I was infatuated. I couldn’t get enough. You were a drug for me and I was so hooked on the high. It was unlike anything I ever felt and I never wanted to go a day without it.

But then comes the part I dreaded from the start. You broke me. You broke and destroyed every bit of the trust I had for you. You broke and destroyed every bit of the trust I had built up over the past years and years.

I spent years putting up those walls. I spent years building my guard up so high just so I would never have to feel pain like this.

What was the point? Just as quickly as your kind words and sweet actions broke down the walls and made me fall for you, it was all ruined. Everything we built. Everything I believed in. It was all gone.

What happened to saying you would never leave?

What happened to saying you would never hurt me?

What happened to saying you would never run when things got hard?

What happened to the promises that you would never leave me for any of those guys I was insecure about?

It all meant nothing.

Let’s face it. You said whatever you needed to say to win me over. You said whatever you needed to say to get me exactly where you wanted.

And once I started falling hard for you, you had already won. The first time I cried and begged for you not to leave, the battle was already over.

So as for those walls you broke down? Well, they are back up. They are back up even higher than they were before. And here I am, filled with trust issues higher than they were the day you met me years ago.

But I won’t let you win. I won’t let you have the satisfaction of leaving me broken and afraid to love again while you walk around destroying other people.

I will come back stronger. I will come back stronger than I was the day you met me. I will find someone who loves me the way that I deserve and would never think to break even an ounce of my trust.

Today I’m Letting You Go Because I Owe That To Myself

They say you have to find yourself in order to let go.

Finding yourself in a sense that you no longer think that you are never enough,

That you aren’t beautiful,

That you aren’t smart,

That you are never going to be the person you thought you wanted to be.

Finding yourself in a sense that you will stop looking for someone you want to become,

And start realizing that you are perfect just the way you are.

You may not be beautiful,

You may not be smart,

You may never going to be the person you thought you wanted to be,

But you are always enough.

You may not be enough for him but you must remember that he does not define you,

No one can define you but yourself

You became broken because of a person who made you limit yourself into someone who would fit him perfectly

Because you thought you could change yourself for someone,

But in reality,

You could never change for anyone.

You thought that by putting barriers around yourself, he would suddenly realize how great you are;

But that could never happen

Because how could he

When you yourself couldn’t realize how great you are.

You fell deep, thinking you could get back up

But you never got the chance to

Because he unknowingly pinned you down to the point wherein you didn’t aim to get back up anymore

But you aimed to stay on the ground just so that you could be by him.

You were blinded by his pretenses,

You were fooled by his excessive charm, seemingly warm companionship, and false promises

So you failed to realize that

He was always with you,

But he was never there for you

So you became stuck in this never ending cycle of becoming the girl whom he goes for,

Becoming the girl he wants,

Becoming the girl you hope he will want,

Becoming the girl he wouldn’t want to lose

But in turn, you weren’t aware that you lost the only person that you should be afraid of losing;

You lost yourself.

They say you have to find yourself in order to let go;

Well I say you have to let go in order to find yourself.

So please let go;

Let go of something not worth holding on,

And start finding the things that are worth holding on.

You can at least owe that to yourself.

27 Reasons Feminism Is Not ‘For Everybody’

1. I don’t need feminism because I don’t like playing victim.

2. I don’t need feminism, because as a woman in western society who has the luxury to sit inside her own house, in a comfortable bed with a laptop and has access to the internet I would feel ashamed to consider myself “oppressed” or complain about nonsense-issues, while women in other countries have to endure real suffering.

3. I don’t need feminism because the movement is filled with hypocrisy.

4. I don’t need feminism because it’s okay, somehow, to call men creeps and pedophiles, but it’s an absolute sin to call women sluts, even when the women who being called sluts are sluts.

5. I don’t need feminism because I was told by a feminist that because I am anti-feminist I cannot go around saying I’m pro-equality. Because apparently feminists not only invented fighting for human rights they also patented it.

6. I don’t need feminism because they make me feel bad about loving to be girly. I love skirts, dresses, make up and everything like that, I don’t want to be masculine to be a “good” and “clever” girl.

7. I don’t need feminism because rape is a crime issue, not a gender issue.

8. I don’t need feminism because after years of my friends and family telling me to love and accept my obese body, I watched my father die at 55 from a heart attack. He was obese too but weighed less than I did. I’ve lost 80 pounds since then and I’m still going, that’s how I love my body. That’s how I want everyone to love their bodies.

9. I don’t need feminism because feminist claim America is a patriarchal society yet they ask those men to do things for them.

10. I don’t need feminism because I know that it’s possible to put yourself into “rapey” situations.

11. I don’t need feminism because they’re too unintelligent to understand that rape culture is a myth.

12. I don’t need feminism because I don’t believe in slut shaming. I believe in freedom of speech. A person has the right to call you a slut for sleeping with several people and a person has the right to call you awesome for sleeping with several people.

13. I don’t need feminism because they seem to ignore transwomen.

14. I don’t need feminism because I don’t have a victim complex.

15. I don’t need feminism because I’m capable of critical thinking and don’t need other women representing me.

16. I don’t need feminism because they paint women as these weak little creature who need saving and government giving protection.

17. I don’t need feminism because I’m a humanist.

18. I don’t need feminism because I realize men have issues too.

19. I don’t need feminism because it’s an inherently biased and sexist group.

20. I don’t need feminism because I don’t believe I should get special privileges because I have a vagina.

21. I don’t need feminism because it only focuses on working class women.

22. I don’t need feminism because women can opt out of motherhood but men can’t opt out of fatherhood. Males are forced to either take care of their kids or pay child.

23. I don’t need feminism because I don’t like blaming society for my problems.

24. I don’t need feminism because the wage gap is a myth.

25. I don’t need feminism because I don’t find anything wrong with rape jokes.

26. I don’t need feminism because my gender doesn’t make me weak.

27. I don’t need feminism because I’m a logical person who sees the misandry in feminism.

Why You Shouldn’t Have Sex With Your Roommate

Graduate from college with dreams as big as your bank account is small. Flee to the west coast in pursuit of the clichéd Hollywood dream. Move in with your best friend of the opposite sex, your ultimate sidekick in this romanticized pursuit of fame and fortune. Laugh when your friends poke fun at the absurdity of the situation. “When you’re both famous, we better get cool stuff!” they’ll demand as you pack up your few belongings and prepare for the cross country drive. “You guys are totally going to hook up,” they’ll nag jokingly. Roll your eyes and summon a gag. Assure your friends that that will never, ever happen.

Forfeit your own bathroom and sign a year lease on the east side of the city to minimize your monthly rent. Adjust to your new surroundings and the rules that follow from living with a boy. Start removing your hair from the shower drain and throwing your tampons away with utmost discretion. Demand he put the seat down after every use. Assemble a home together, furnished with flea market bargains and neglected street side treasures. Paint the walls, hang some posters, invest in a teapot and other basic kitchen accessories. Spend your weeks glued to the common room floor (you can’t afford a couch or a desk just yet). Crank out writing samples and encourage one another to make moves in the direction of their dreams. Go out together on the weekends. Attempt to wingman each other. Realize your bi-gendered duo is utterly ineffective in the hunt for love. Settle at a table with just the two of you, finish a couple of whiskeys, and return home to your respective bedrooms.

Eventually start to make friends. Laugh when they voice suspicion about your living situation. Insist, time and time again, that your friendship is entirely platonic. Note crushes you’ve had on each other’s friends. Tell the tale of summers past when your best friend manically picked up the pieces of your heart after it had been stomped to pieces by your first love. Follow up with the tale of how you did the same when your best girlfriend in the world broke his. Emphasize the fact that he dated your very best girlfriend. Watch as the conversation is immediately put to rest.

Reminisce about “the good ol’ days” of college over ramen noodles and dispensary weed. Familiarize yourself with every detail of your roommate’s feelings and behaviors. Reveal to him every detail of yours. Find comfort in the strength and exclusivity of your friendship. Spend most nights at home watching Frasier on your brand new, thirsted couch. Feel home sick and decide to cuddle. While in his arms, verbalize how silly your friends are to think your friendship could be anything more. Mean it. Gage the reaction of your roommate and confirm he means it too.

Repeat your actions for several months. Continue to write and drink whiskey together. Do everything in your power to make each other happy in this big, sprawled out, and increasingly lonely city. Continue to snuggle together. Commiserate over your inexplicable winter blues that occur, despite the pristine LA weather. Allow yourselves to intertwine tighter and tighter. Talk about your past. Talk about your future. Talk about anything and everything in between.

Return from work one night feeling particularly lonely. Go for a walk with your roommate and elaborate on your current state of mind. Find out that he feels lonely too. Comfort yourselves with whiskey, pot, and a sitcom streamed from Hulu (who can afford cable?). Agree to cuddle once more. Feel suddenly aware of your roommate’s tight hold around your body. Carefully grab for his hand and allow your tangled fists to rest gently against your chest. Feel his heart beat pounding against your back. Wonder if he can feel yours.

Remember the last time you hooked up with a friend and the disaster that followed. Dismiss it. Remember the meaningful relationship he had with your best girlfriend. Dismiss that as well. Take a deep breath and turn to face each other.

Wake up and talk about the night before. Laugh it off as a silly one-time thing. Promise not to tell a soul. ??Do it again… and again… and again.?? Let every initiated cuddle turn into more. Each night, joke about the crassness of your decisions. Stop going out with your friends in favor of staying in together. Text and email incessantly throughout the day.

Do not acknowledge the number of waking and sleeping hours spent communicating or hanging out one-on-one. Never acknowledge the pain this would cause your best girlfriend if she were ever to find out. Never, ever acknowledge that this is the closest you’ve felt to a boy in years.?? Spend an entire Saturday laughing, kissing and rolling around in bed.

Ignore all calls and text messages and decide to order in to avoid leaving the couch.

“This has to stop,” he’ll say mid make-out, catching you entirely off guard.

“You’re totally right,” you’ll agree, fumbling to hide your disappointment.

He’ll ask if you’re okay. You’ll tell him of course and ask back, to which he’ll reply the same.

“I really care about you and all, but it’s probably best to quit while that is still the case,” you’ll say playfully, alluding to your legendary inability to care for the same boy for more than a week.

“Good,” He’ll say, sounding disconcertingly relieved. “I mean, we’re 23 years old… and it’s just sex. Plus, let’s be honest, you and I would never, ever work out.”

Smile as he kisses you on the head and retreats to his room. Feel your heart sink to the pit of your stomach as he closes the door.

Start dating other people and encourage him to do the same. Act happy for each other and laugh at the crazies you encounter time and time again. Feel relieved when he acknowledges the insignificance of the girls he goes out with. Make certain he knows you feel the same about your varying flavors of the week.

“I think I met someone,” he’ll announce after a long day of work.

“Oooooh tell me more!” You’ll probe, focusing intently on stabilizing your voice inflections.

“She’s an actress on the film I’m working on. We’re going out tonight. I’m nervous,” he’ll state.

Help him dress and wish him well on his date. Wait up on the couch in anticipation of what would surely be another disappointing dinner with a vapid, LA local.

Feel foolish when the clock strikes 3 a.m. and he has not returned. Acknowledge that he’s not coming home and put yourself to bed. ??Feel regret thrust chills through your body. Cry. Remember that you can’t tell a soul about your situation. Cry harder. Ignore phone calls from your best girlfriend asking how you’re doing and initiating a visit west. Remind yourself what a terrible friend you are. Cry yourself to sleep.

Pretend not to have noticed when your roommate returns home the next morning. Act happy for him when, night after night, he continues to stay over at her place. Act cavalier when he begins breaking plans with you in favor of her. Get pings of excitement when you receive a new text. Feel embarrassed when you realize it’s not from him. Stop writing. Stop eating. Start sleeping with boys you care little about. Perfect a facade of happiness when your roommate is present. Take drugs and have more sex when he’s not. Do everything thinkable in the realm of self-destruction in a desperate attempt to numb your senses. Fail miserably.

Meet her. See firsthand how smart, beautiful and sophisticated she really is. Envy her knowledge of your roommate’s musical taste and love of old films. Tell her how happy you are to finally meet her and how you look forward to being great friends.

Remember that, at the end of the day, he’s your best friend in the world and deserves to be happy. Bury your feelings to the best of your ability, and pay your sixth month of rent.

Why You Shouldn’t Have Sex With Your Roommate

Graduate from college with dreams as big as your bank account is small. Flee to the west coast in pursuit of the clichéd Hollywood dream. Move in with your best friend of the opposite sex, your ultimate sidekick in this romanticized pursuit of fame and fortune. Laugh when your friends poke fun at the absurdity of the situation. “When you’re both famous, we better get cool stuff!” they’ll demand as you pack up your few belongings and prepare for the cross country drive. “You guys are totally going to hook up,” they’ll nag jokingly. Roll your eyes and summon a gag. Assure your friends that that will never, ever happen.

Forfeit your own bathroom and sign a year lease on the east side of the city to minimize your monthly rent. Adjust to your new surroundings and the rules that follow from living with a boy. Start removing your hair from the shower drain and throwing your tampons away with utmost discretion. Demand he put the seat down after every use. Assemble a home together, furnished with flea market bargains and neglected street side treasures. Paint the walls, hang some posters, invest in a teapot and other basic kitchen accessories. Spend your weeks glued to the common room floor (you can’t afford a couch or a desk just yet). Crank out writing samples and encourage one another to make moves in the direction of their dreams. Go out together on the weekends. Attempt to wingman each other. Realize your bi-gendered duo is utterly ineffective in the hunt for love. Settle at a table with just the two of you, finish a couple of whiskeys, and return home to your respective bedrooms.

Eventually start to make friends. Laugh when they voice suspicion about your living situation. Insist, time and time again, that your friendship is entirely platonic. Note crushes you’ve had on each other’s friends. Tell the tale of summers past when your best friend manically picked up the pieces of your heart after it had been stomped to pieces by your first love. Follow up with the tale of how you did the same when your best girlfriend in the world broke his. Emphasize the fact that he dated your very best girlfriend. Watch as the conversation is immediately put to rest.

Reminisce about “the good ol’ days” of college over ramen noodles and dispensary weed. Familiarize yourself with every detail of your roommate’s feelings and behaviors. Reveal to him every detail of yours. Find comfort in the strength and exclusivity of your friendship. Spend most nights at home watching Frasier on your brand new, thirsted couch. Feel home sick and decide to cuddle. While in his arms, verbalize how silly your friends are to think your friendship could be anything more. Mean it. Gage the reaction of your roommate and confirm he means it too.

Repeat your actions for several months. Continue to write and drink whiskey together. Do everything in your power to make each other happy in this big, sprawled out, and increasingly lonely city. Continue to snuggle together. Commiserate over your inexplicable winter blues that occur, despite the pristine LA weather. Allow yourselves to intertwine tighter and tighter. Talk about your past. Talk about your future. Talk about anything and everything in between.

Return from work one night feeling particularly lonely. Go for a walk with your roommate and elaborate on your current state of mind. Find out that he feels lonely too. Comfort yourselves with whiskey, pot, and a sitcom streamed from Hulu (who can afford cable?). Agree to cuddle once more. Feel suddenly aware of your roommate’s tight hold around your body. Carefully grab for his hand and allow your tangled fists to rest gently against your chest. Feel his heart beat pounding against your back. Wonder if he can feel yours.

Remember the last time you hooked up with a friend and the disaster that followed. Dismiss it. Remember the meaningful relationship he had with your best girlfriend. Dismiss that as well. Take a deep breath and turn to face each other.

Wake up and talk about the night before. Laugh it off as a silly one-time thing. Promise not to tell a soul. ??Do it again… and again… and again.?? Let every initiated cuddle turn into more. Each night, joke about the crassness of your decisions. Stop going out with your friends in favor of staying in together. Text and email incessantly throughout the day.

Do not acknowledge the number of waking and sleeping hours spent communicating or hanging out one-on-one. Never acknowledge the pain this would cause your best girlfriend if she were ever to find out. Never, ever acknowledge that this is the closest you’ve felt to a boy in years.?? Spend an entire Saturday laughing, kissing and rolling around in bed.

Ignore all calls and text messages and decide to order in to avoid leaving the couch.

“This has to stop,” he’ll say mid make-out, catching you entirely off guard.

“You’re totally right,” you’ll agree, fumbling to hide your disappointment.

He’ll ask if you’re okay. You’ll tell him of course and ask back, to which he’ll reply the same.

“I really care about you and all, but it’s probably best to quit while that is still the case,” you’ll say playfully, alluding to your legendary inability to care for the same boy for more than a week.

“Good,” He’ll say, sounding disconcertingly relieved. “I mean, we’re 23 years old… and it’s just sex. Plus, let’s be honest, you and I would never, ever work out.”

Smile as he kisses you on the head and retreats to his room. Feel your heart sink to the pit of your stomach as he closes the door.

Start dating other people and encourage him to do the same. Act happy for each other and laugh at the crazies you encounter time and time again. Feel relieved when he acknowledges the insignificance of the girls he goes out with. Make certain he knows you feel the same about your varying flavors of the week.

“I think I met someone,” he’ll announce after a long day of work.

“Oooooh tell me more!” You’ll probe, focusing intently on stabilizing your voice inflections.

“She’s an actress on the film I’m working on. We’re going out tonight. I’m nervous,” he’ll state.

Help him dress and wish him well on his date. Wait up on the couch in anticipation of what would surely be another disappointing dinner with a vapid, LA local.

Feel foolish when the clock strikes 3 a.m. and he has not returned. Acknowledge that he’s not coming home and put yourself to bed. ??Feel regret thrust chills through your body. Cry. Remember that you can’t tell a soul about your situation. Cry harder. Ignore phone calls from your best girlfriend asking how you’re doing and initiating a visit west. Remind yourself what a terrible friend you are. Cry yourself to sleep.

Pretend not to have noticed when your roommate returns home the next morning. Act happy for him when, night after night, he continues to stay over at her place. Act cavalier when he begins breaking plans with you in favor of her. Get pings of excitement when you receive a new text. Feel embarrassed when you realize it’s not from him. Stop writing. Stop eating. Start sleeping with boys you care little about. Perfect a facade of happiness when your roommate is present. Take drugs and have more sex when he’s not. Do everything thinkable in the realm of self-destruction in a desperate attempt to numb your senses. Fail miserably.

Meet her. See firsthand how smart, beautiful and sophisticated she really is. Envy her knowledge of your roommate’s musical taste and love of old films. Tell her how happy you are to finally meet her and how you look forward to being great friends.

Remember that, at the end of the day, he’s your best friend in the world and deserves to be happy. Bury your feelings to the best of your ability, and pay your sixth month of rent.

Let Me Have My Way With You Tonight

Come, lay with me.

Let me hold you close. Feel the heat emanate from my body, feel my blood pumping, my heartbeat, the you effect . Let me graze my fingers lightly over your body, let me electrify you.

Let yourself go, be free. Let me have you tonight.

Let me undress you slowly as we kiss, taking in each and every part of you. Tonight, let my eyes devour you.

Let me stroke your hair gently as we struggle to regulate our now out of control breathing. Let’s turn up the heat.

Allow me to taste you. Let me experience the natural taste of you that always has me going crazy. I’ll do it just right. Shhh, lay back, relax. Let me drive you crazy.

Let’s kiss. Let’s lose ourself in the sea of love, in our own world. Let me hold your face in my palms while our lips, gently but firmly, lock. Let our tongues find each other’s. Don’t hold back. The heat between us doesn’t have to cool down.

Let’s pull back for a moment. Let my eyes look deep into yours. Let my eyes tell you how much I want you. Let my hand travel south once more, let me feel your warmth.

Let’s not wait any longer.

We’ll start a little slow then we’ll pick up the pace once you are almost there. When your body won’t be able to hold back the intense build up in you, when you are there, I’ll bend down for a kiss. Take my face in your warm and tender palms, look me deep in the eyes, let me know how much into the moment you are. Breathe into me, let me feel your wave of satisfaction from head to toe.

When the wave is gone and you are calmer, I’ll try to match my breathing with yours as we slowly carry on.

When I’m there, I’ll look you in the eyes, just to show you how much I am into the moment.

Come, lay with me. Let’s stay in this bed and never leave.

Let Me Have My Way With You Tonight

Come, lay with me.

Let me hold you close. Feel the heat emanate from my body, feel my blood pumping, my heartbeat, the you effect . Let me graze my fingers lightly over your body, let me electrify you.

Let yourself go, be free. Let me have you tonight.

Let me undress you slowly as we kiss, taking in each and every part of you. Tonight, let my eyes devour you.

Let me stroke your hair gently as we struggle to regulate our now out of control breathing. Let’s turn up the heat.

Allow me to taste you. Let me experience the natural taste of you that always has me going crazy. I’ll do it just right. Shhh, lay back, relax. Let me drive you crazy.

Let’s kiss. Let’s lose ourself in the sea of love, in our own world. Let me hold your face in my palms while our lips, gently but firmly, lock. Let our tongues find each other’s. Don’t hold back. The heat between us doesn’t have to cool down.

Let’s pull back for a moment. Let my eyes look deep into yours. Let my eyes tell you how much I want you. Let my hand travel south once more, let me feel your warmth.

Let’s not wait any longer.

We’ll start a little slow then we’ll pick up the pace once you are almost there. When your body won’t be able to hold back the intense build up in you, when you are there, I’ll bend down for a kiss. Take my face in your warm and tender palms, look me deep in the eyes, let me know how much into the moment you are. Breathe into me, let me feel your wave of satisfaction from head to toe.

When the wave is gone and you are calmer, I’ll try to match my breathing with yours as we slowly carry on.

When I’m there, I’ll look you in the eyes, just to show you how much I am into the moment.

Come, lay with me. Let’s stay in this bed and never leave.

When He’s Not Your Priority (But You’re His)

It’s one of the hardest things in life, loving someone and exerting your full effort for them, and not getting the same in return. We all know what it’s like. We’ve watched it on movies, read it on novels, on articles, heard it from friends, and we may have experienced it at least once. But what they forget to include in movies and novels is the more difficult struggle from the other side of the story. They say mature love is putting someone else’s needs above yours. What if you’re the someone whose needs are put above the other? Nothing is more difficult than loving someone very much, and knowing you can’t equal the overflowing love they give you. These people, people like you, are often branded as selfish. But when you are his source of happiness, and he is yours, and he’s okay with you putting him below your list, is it still selfish? We are all advised not to base our happiness on a boy who can change his mind any day. But when the boy bases his happiness on a girl like you, what can you do?

So you’re in love with a boy. And he loves you back. But you don’t prioritize him as much as he does you. He’s not a priority, but he’s not an option either. He is your security whenever you feel lost. He is the person who, without a doubt, will “always be there for you” because you’re sure and secured of his feelings for you. You know he’s a keeper. Definitely a keeper. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more, he’s perfect. He treats you like how you dreamt of being treated—like a princess on some days, like a queen on most. And there you are, thanking him for everything. Just thanking him. There are days that you feel like a monster, and quite frankly, you are. You’re a monster who devours this poor boy’s heart.

You create and plant a false image of perfection in this poor boy’s mind. You make him feel like he’s lucky to have you, when the truth is you’re lucky to have him. You will never find somebody else who will put up with you and all your complexities like he does. You feel guilty every single day of your life and you know it’s only right to give back. Give back what he had given you. But you just can’t. He is important to you, but no matter how important he is, there will always be something more important than him. And on some days that’s okay. On some days, it’s explicable. But the longer the time you spend with him, the lower he drops on your list of important things in life. Your family will always be your priority, or your career, or your religion, or anything else. But you know it will never be him. And again, that’s okay; healthy, even. When he tells you he needs you, does he really need you? Or does he need the thought of having somebody to love? If you can’t reciprocate the love he gives, it doesn’t mean you don’t love him. But you will never stop thinking about how you’re not good enough for the boy who loves you sincerely.

You will never stop genuinely thinking about how you’re toxic for him, even when he says you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. You care for him, and you love him, but he just always cares for and loves you more. You can’t, nor can you ever, match his affection for you and it will always bother you. You will always feel sorry for him. You will always feel like you’re taking him for granted. You will always feel selfish and self-absorbed whenever he’s being kind to you even when you’re being really unreasonable (which is all the time). You know you will hurt him, really bad, when you leave him. In fact, you wouldn’t want to leave him, but you know he deserves more than you. He deserves somebody who puts him on top of the list because that’s where he should be. He deserves somebody who will go out of their way to make him happy. He deserves everything you can’t give. You will always want the best for him… and for some reason, you’ve always known it isn’t you. As painful as it seems, it’s the truth. You know that the right thing to do is to let him go and let him find the happiness he deserves, not the illusion of happiness he feels with you. But you can’t do that. You can’t imagine him being happy with anybody else but you.

Maybe you have yet to realize the importance of giving someone your all. Maybe you have yet to find the part of your heart that can love, really love, and love deeply. Maybe you have yet to learn that loving someone means giving more than what you’re capable of. But… at the end of the day, the only choice you have is to give him the power to decide. And if he chooses you, if, despite your lack of appreciation for him, he chooses you, and he’s still fully, genuinely, honestly convinced that you are the only person who can make him happy, then be what he deserves. Start realizing the importance of selflessness. Start finding that part of your heart. Start learning about love. Or at least start trying.

Five Good Reasons I’ve Broken Up With Men

1. Apples

Once I found out that Jason not only ate Golden Delicious apples but preferred them, it was over. I’m a Braeburn girl. I’ll tolerate Honeycrisp in a pinch with an occasional Granny Smith if I’m feeling green. But I believe that the type of apple a person has a taste for is indicative of their core, and I don’t want anything to do with a mealy, mushy man. I want hard and with a bite.

2. Crime

Things with Steve were a bit more dramatic. I was watching the local news and suddenly there he was onscreen for the Top Ten Most Wanted segment. Fraud, theft, drugs…the list was quite impressive. Only later did I discover the forged checks, stolen power tools, and pawned notebook computer. We parted ways when I called the cops and had him taken to jail.

3. Box Fans

David was great until summer arrived, bringing with it the battle of the fans. I can’t fathom how anyone would choose a box fan over an oscillating one, but he did. Worse than that, he pulled up the knob on my rotating fan every time he came over, denying my fan the freedom to move, to do what it was meant to do. If a man does that to a household appliance, imagine what he would eventually do to the woman in his life. There was nothing left but to pull the plug on that one.

4. The “L” Word

Troy spelled the end of our relationship when he uttered “I love you” waaaaaaay too soon. I don’t use those words lightly and I won’t say them unless I mean them. He caught me off guard, and the only thing I could do was look him in the eye and tell him, “I have nothing to say to that.”

5. Cancer

For some reason, I decided to break up with Paul when I was in the car, behind the wheel, and driving through downtown. He argued, he begged, he apologized, he cried. For two fucking hours. I couldn’t get him out of my Ford Fairmont to save my life. This gave me an idea: I turned to him and with a shaky voice told him I had been diagnosed with cancer and needed to concentrate on fighting the disease. I said I simply didn’t have the emotional or physical energy for a relationship and that it wasn’t fair to him. I broke down, produced the requisite tears, and was finally able to leave him at the curb.

I’ve ditched a great many men and I beg to differ with Mr. Neil Sedaka: Breaking up isn’t hard to do as long as you have a really good reason. Did I mention Robert? He had aluminum siding put on his house.

You Need To Move On Because They Already Did

Letting go is just about as hard as life can get. What are you supposed to do when someone who has given you all these memories, all of this happiness and love in your life just walks away? You’re left with all the love in the world to give, and no one to give it to. You’re forced to sit there with memories that you have no clue what to do with, so you just lay in bed with tear-stained eyes and remember. And these memories, while they play, force you to think that maybe, just maybe, there’s still hope and they’re laying in bed too, thinking of you.

And suddenly you’re angry. Pissed off. Infuriated, even. Why did they come into your life, flip it up and make you care, make you love them, and give you so much happiness only to leave you? Why? Why would they put you through that? Obviously, they don’t care as much as you thought they did. They lied. They hurt you and they deserve pain.

But then, you realize. You’re just hurt. Hurt at them leaving you, hurt at the pain you have, hurt that it seems like the absolute end of the world. You still would wish them the best and miss them, but that doesn’t stop it from feeling like your heart is torn into pieces.

I know you can sit here and think of a thousand reasons why you two should be together again, and that’s exactly the reason you need to go ahead and forget about them.

How much damage have they caused in your life? How much pain, and suffering? How much of your life have you given up since meeting them? If the answer to any of these questions is a lot, it’s time to let them go.

Here’s where the truth hits you: they aren’t laying in their bed, thinking of you too. They are out there, moving on and finding someone else and picking up their own lives. Now, that might be the most bitter pill to swallow. But it’s the truth, and you out of anyone deserves to be told the truth. You owe that to yourself to hear it and listen, even if you don’t believe it.

But while the truth will hurt, the truth will also set you free. And the truth is, every person in your life is either a blessing or a lesson. They are not meant to be in our lives forever, but more to teach us a certain thing about this chapter in our lives. We love and we lose, and we learn from the experience, and close that part of our story. And most of the time, these lessons are not what we carry onto the next page.

You deserve better. You deserve better than being sick to your stomach overseeing them with someone else. You deserve better than sitting awake at night, playing through thoughts in your head and wondering where things went wrong for the fifty-third time. Your heart may be broken and bruised now, but it is still beautiful.

You owe it to yourself to pick yourself off of the ground. Go out with your friends, make a new hobby, spend some time with your family, get a new hairstyle. Change some things up. Make yourself a better you, a better life for yourself. Make yourself learn from this lesson, and move forward with your life.

Don’t sit there and obsess over what they’re doing, check their social media or anything, because it will make it that much harder. Delete them out of your life. Unfollow, unfriend. Do whatever it is you need to do to move on, and don’t apologize to anyone for trying to repair what is broken. It is your life.

You will move on and you will fall in love again. And you will probably be hurt again. But that is the beauty of life. We fall and we get hurt sometimes, but it is these moments that make us appreciate our happiest times and our great moments. And when you look back on this chapter of your life, you will no longer be sad, empty, angry or hurt. You will simply realize that it made you who you are today and that all roads, no matter how broken, will still lead to where you are supposed to go.

I’m Single And Looking, But That Doesn’t Mean I’m Going To Settle For Being Half Loved

Yes, I am single. And yes, I wouldn’t hate to have a girlfriend sooner or later. But, I am not going to settle like I have before in the past. I am not going to woo the first girl I meet. I am not going to look at a pretty face and automatically fall into their lap.

I’m single, and I’m looking. But, that in no way means that I am going to settle for being half loved. And you shouldn’t either.

I’m not going to start dating someone right off the bat. I’m going to listen to my gut, and listen to my body. I’m not going to just jump headfirst without looking anymore.

Love deserves more than careless actions. And I do too.

I’m not going to date just to date. I’m going to date to find someone who makes me laugh the hardest. I’m going to date to find someone who comforts me when I feel lost. I’m going to date to find someone who makes me light up at just the thought of seeing him again.

I refuse to think of love as a waiting game. I refuse to think of love as something unattainable. Love is real, whether you believe it or not. And it will happen. It will happen to me and it will happen to you.

Love is not a one night stand. Love is not a drunken hook up. Love deserves so much more than that.

We just have to be adamant about it. We have to be adamant about not settling. We have to be adamant about finding someone who gets us. Who understands us. Who lifts us up, instead of tearing us down. Who genuinely wants to hear about how our day was. Who cries us with us when we experience loss. Who watches our favourite movie with us, just because they know it makes us happy. And who holds us when we feel anything but safe.

Us single guys get such a bad rep. People view us as being sad. As being lonely. As being ‘single forever’ cat guys. But guess what? Most of us are single because we are empowered. Most of us are single because we have spent years in unfulfilled relationships.

Most of us are single because we know what we deserve. We finally, finally know our worth

And guess what? Knowing my worth is better than settling. It may not look like it on the outside looking in, but it truly is. I know what I deserve. I don’t deserve 50% anymore. I deserve 100%. We all do.

Why I cant make it to work today

If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log (pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

My stigmata's acting up.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

Yes, I seem to have contracted some sort of attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

5 Things I Don’t Want When I Say ‘I Do’

Planning a wedding was something I never dreamed about. I never spent days as a youngster pining over what my dress would look like or where my wedding would be or WHO, if anyone, I would actually be marrying. Marriage just isn’t on my list of things to do before I inevitably croak . Partially because I have never wanted kids (still don’t) and so I’m like, what’s the point and, also, I would just absolutely hate a huge, crazy wedding. And yet as I approach my mid-twenties and find friends getting engaged and married, I’ve found myself thinking about the big M.

And while a lot of folks have lists of things they NEED for a wedding, I present to you a list of things I absolutely don’t want if and when I say, ‘I do.’

1. I don’t want a diamond ring.

A princess-cut diamond ring doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m not a cookie cutter kind of a girl (though I do LOVE cookies) and a big, fat diamond isn’t going to make me happy. The fact that men are encouraged to spend thousands on a ring is absurd. Did y’all hear about the guy who proposed with his wisdom tooth set in a ring ?! That shit is my jam. I think that’s amazing. I’m not saying I want my future fiancé to yank a tooth just for me…but I think it’d be nice to have something more meaningful. A ring to look at and know that it couldn’t have been given to me by anyone else. Something symbolic and quirky. The size of the ring does not equal the size of the love.

2. I don’t want a public engagement.

Let me re-phrase. I do want people to know we’re engaged, I just don’t want to be proposed to in front of others. I think it’s utterly unromantic. Pop the question in bed, without a ring, just spur of the moment.

3. I don’t want your last name.

A marriage is an equal partnership. You fell in love with me, not my name (hopefully). So it shouldn’t be a huge deal that I want to keep it. I’m an only child and my dad doesn’t have brothers. I’m the last limb on my family tree and I refuse to drop my identity. I wouldn’t ask the man I marry to change his name. That’d be so weird! Plus, I hear the whole name-change process involves a lot of paperwork and I just don’t have time for that. Sorry! (But not really.)

4. I don’t want a registry.

Since when does getting married also involve your guests furnishing your home with an abundance of toasters and duvet covers? Registries seriously make me laugh. And then make me ‘grrrr’ with frustration. Oh, you want a set of coasters and some knives and a welcome mat and a $700 mirror that you can look in together and see how adorable of a couple you make? Eeek! Since when did marriage become so materialistic? I vow to never, ever have a registry. Luckily, more couples are choosing to request charitable donations over gifts which I think is absolutely awesome. Isn’t that a great way to start a life together? By choosing a cause you can both get behind and encouraging others to give back, it sets a super positive tone for not just the day, but for the rest of your married life. Yay!

5. I don’t want a conventional wedding or marriage ceremony.

Shocker, right? I’m weird, quirky and spontaneous and I want my wedding to reflect that. I think people often get too caught up with the wedding part that they forget the whole point of it is to celebrate a marriage . The flowers, the cake, the dress, the DJ vs band debate — all of it is madness! Remember to KISS ! Keep it simple, stupid! Nobody likes a bridezilla anyway. Get married in a romper, standing in a field of daisies, with a random hitchhiker you picked up to be the witness! Be unconventional! It’s more memorable, less stressful, and probably way more fun.

Also, the idea of having an actual marriage ceremony in front of a group of onlookers, who are probably just counting down the minutes until the open bar (let’s be real), makes me want to run away, elope and have a [small!!!] celebration weeks later. I hate the idea of rushing from having just been married to immediately celebrating with everyone. It’s too much! We need to give ourselves time to reflect and really take in these special moments.

Of course, every person should have the wedding they want. If that’s a big bash, go for it. But the media tends to cultivate and highlight the flashy, extravagant, crazy engagements and weddings that people have and it’s not fair for these to become the normal expectations.

Let’s celebrate the different ways we do things and not all aspire to become carbon copies of everyone else!

The 1000th Post On How To Find Your Passion In Life

I had to interrupt him. I was too curious. I thought I would die if I didn’t ask.

Whenever you are curious about something, don’t forget to ask a question.

Curious. Question….Curious ==> Question.

The only things you will ever remember are the questions you ask when you are curious. Curiosity is the ONLY technique for learning.

I was talking with a guy who was incredibly inspiring and he seemed to really know what his purpose in life was.

So I got curious. I asked him how anyone could find out what their passion is. The people who feel stuck in their lives.

He said: Imagine you have a billion dollars. Think of all the things you can do now.

Subtract out everything that is a luxury. For me, for instance, I’d hire someone to do all my shopping and maybe bathe me. I have to subtract that because that’s like a luxury.

I asked Claudia. She said she’d fly to Buenos Aires. I said, “You can do that right this second. That’s all you can think of if you got a billion dollars?” Maybe she just wants to get away from me until I shower.

But anyway, subtract the bigger house, the boat, the trips, the chefs, the assistants, the bigger car, the plane.

What would you DO? Not what you would HAVE.

Now… figure out how to that thing RIGHT NOW. Without the billion dollars.

Naveen Jain told me this technique. He’s going to the moon.

He started moonexpress.com. He’s already developed a lunar lander. NASA agrees it will work. He’s going to head over to the moon by 2020 and I believe him. One of the smartest people I’ve ever spoken to.

He wakes up at 4:30am and reads constantly about the things he’s interested in: space research, medical research, neuroscience.

He also said, “Let’s say you want to be a philanthropist.” This doesn’t mean give all your money away.

He said, “You still have to make it sustainable. So it’s okay if it’s a sustainable business.”

For instance, if he can get to the moon, he can mine for rare earth minerals which are quite valuable here. Then once it’s a sustainable business he can achieve his true objectives, which is to use the moon as a sort of launching pad for other planets.

I like this. He didn’t need money to do this dream. He’s rich but he raised the money, he hired the scientists, he mapped out the dream, he found the business model, and in 2020 he’s going to land on the moon.

I’m going to add to this.

Someone asked me yesterday what I thought about Warren Buffett’s “5/25” technique:

A) Write down the top 25 things you want to do with your life.

B) Focus on the first 5.

C) NEVER EVER FOCUS AGAIN on the next 20. AVOID THEM. They are only distractions if you truly want to be good at the first five.

I actually think it’s wrong to focus on the first five. Focus maybe on the first two or three. Of the 105 people who have been on my podcast, I can tell you the first two for every single one of them.

For example: Mark Cuban: Money and basketball.

Coolio: Rap and cooking.

Claudia: Yoga and writing.

I love to write things that will help people. I love to entertain.

I don’t need a billion dollars to do that but if I had a billion dollars I would do those things.

Well, what if you have no money?

I had no money. And it took years to figure out how to do the things I wanted to do. For all 105 of my podcast guests, it took them years .

But if I had a billion dollars, I’d do the things I’m doing right now.And I’d keep trying to get better at them.

I have other things on my list also. I wish I could paint. I wish I could play the piano better. I wish I could run a billion revenue business.

But you know what: I’m not going to focus on those things. They are not in my top three. Maybe they are somewhere around 15-20.

I’m going to give you one other technique for finding purpose. The Plan B technique. Otherwise known as the morning after pill.

It’s the morning after and you realize your absolute #1 dream didn’t work out.

But divide the dream into categories. Ok, I like to entertain. That might mean write, or it might mean speak, or it might mean, write fiction, or it might mean ten other things.

So do this and tell me what happens:

the “you have a billion dollars” technique

the “5/25” technique

the Plan B technique

Oh, one more technique: “the one thing technique”.

What ONE THING can you do today to move forward a tiny tiny bit on what you are left with when you do the above.

Maybe it just means find one thing you are curious about. Ask a question.

I wrote this post.

I’m going to shower.

How To Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

Let’s dive right in.

It happens to all of us at some form or another – unrequited love. There are a plethora of different reasons why we enter into this excruciating circumstance. Whether this is what you think you deserve, or you’re not sure you’ll find anyone else, or maybe you believe that if you just wish, pray and try hard enough – if you can just hold out one more day, they’ll finally realize that you’re the best thing they never knew they needed.

Whatever the reason, we have to admit that no matter how hard we attempt to hide it, this “spot” is the most uncomfortable in the world – you never feel secure or sure of where exactly you stand with this person. And the fear in the back of your mind – the fear that is all to real – is that you’re standing alone.

1.Stop Comparing Yourself

It is an irresistibly strong temptation to compare yourself to the person your love actually wants. Sometimes, it’s not even a crush of theirs- all they have to say is that someone is pretty or fun and you automatically start scheming on how to make them view you as prettier or more fun. You obsess over the thought that if you were just more beautiful, more intelligent, more interesting – just “more” – that they’ll finally love you like you want (no, need ) them to.

The more you make these desperate attempts for their attention, the more insecure you feel because you realize that your best still isn’t good enough. Your “alpha” version doesn’t even turn their head. This may cause you to continually think about what’s so “wrong” about you and make you feel “defective” somehow. A lot of the time they don’t realize how much agony they’re constantly putting you through. This person is probably a very good person. Just remember that you are still good too.

2. Be Realistic

You suit up. Full Armor, shield, helmet – everything. You mentally prepare yourself for the most gruesome war you will probably ever fight. You rush to the battlefield but something is very, very wrong. You realize the battle has already been fought… and your side has lost.

From the beginning, unrequited love is a losing battle. If you’re going to remain in this, you need to accept that your heart will be broken daily. There’s nothing “beautiful” or “romantic” about fully investing yourself into someone that is not willing or able to do the same.

It’s not necessarily that this person is a bad person – clearly they must be wonderful or you wouldn’t be in this situation. Just know that you will constantly want more while having to accept that it’s not really an option. You’ll search for the smallest ounce of hope in the tiniest gestures, but you won’t find it.

As someone who’s been on both sides of this situation, i must admit that it tends to not end well. Sometimes the person does come around and you ride of into the sunset together and live happily ever after. However, until that happens, and for the rest of us in the other 99% of the population, it’s not so simple.

3. Distance Yourself

Not to see if the “distance makes the heart grow fonder” thing is going to work in your favor.

Take time away from this person to recenter yourself and remind yourself of your true worth. Make sure you set aside time to just be around friends and family who truly appreciate and make you feel wonderful about yourself again. Be sure to balance out all that pain with joy.

This will also help you avoid suffocating the person you desire. It’s easy to smother someone when you feel like it just takes a little more work and effort on your part for them to finally, finally want you back. But this will often make no sense to them and you may just come off as a clingy weirdo. This will be contradictory to everything you’re fighting so very hard for.

4. Move On

There. I said it. The one thing we never want to hear.

It’s absolutely necessary for your mental, physical, and especially emotional health. This is the thing we avoid with everything we have because we know it’s true. We’ve been stuck on this person for so long, it almost seems normal at this point. And we’ll come up with every excuse in the book to rationalize our way out of leaving. I mean, how could we? They’re just so very perfect and we love them so very much and we’re so very used to this hurtful,second-rate kind of relationship. Plus, there’s always this lurking feeling that tommorow will finally be the day!

But it’s time for you to make up your heart. Stop trying to convince yourself (and everyone around you) and ask the question – is this really what you want? This sick feeling in the pit of your heart? This constant back and forth, up and down?

It’s true that the longer it’s been, the harder it is. After a while you feel like it’s wrong to leave-like you deserve to get something out of this in return for all the time and effort you invested before you just leave – I mean, is this really it? I pour my whole self into this person and not only miss out on the love I wanted but I get a big bucket of heartbreak to top it all off ?

Sadly, that’s the reality. I won’t lie-of course it’s going to hurt but…aren’t you hurting now? One quote that’s incredibly helpful in this situation is “Almost is never enough.”

There’s Still Hope

Don’t give up on yourself. Just because this one didn’t work out doesn’t mean the next one won’t be ten times better. Start focusing on what’s right about you again. Realize that you areenough just the way you are,right now – not the “better”, more “perfect” version of you.

You should feel liberated! You don’t constantly have to try and “fix” yourself anymore. It’s time for you to go out there and live for you again. Remember that you deserve love. And you’re going to be so surprised when you realize what being truly cherished for who you are feels like. Go ahead, love. It’s time to let go and let yourself live.

5 health benefits of playing mobile games

Playing video games is well known to provide certain health benefits—from reducing depression, to relieving stress and even creating a general good feeling. While this might sound like an outrageous claim, there are lots of available evidence to support it. This has led many to incorporate video games into their regular lives. Allocating a bit of time to playing games can improve your mental health in a lot of amazing ways.

This topic is quite controversial, as there is evidence from researches and studies, to support and oppose the claims made. However, the research supporting the benefits of video games[1] would be difficult and really irresponsible to ignore. The following are some of the benefits of online video games:

1. They improve moods

There are few better ways to boost one’s mood than the feeling of victory[2] that comes with knowing you have finally figured out a difficult mobile video game level and completed the game successfully.

This usually comes with games that involve users trying to find their ways around demolishing the enemy’s Crown Towers, like in Clash Royale Gemmes, where users have an excellent visual approach and are equipped with great mechanics.

In addition, playing mobile games can help to keep anxiety at bay and promote relaxation. If just by playing video mobile games, people get happier, then why would anyone ever dispute the emotional benefits?

2. They train the brain

As it relates to boosting brain power,[3] online bingo and certain other games are successful in this. Spatial awareness is enhanced (thanks to different bingo games such as 75 ball bingo where users have to look at different horizontal, diagonal and vertical patterns in order to win the game). Additionally, playing these games regularly can help increase memory capacity. Tasks such as keeping track of different bingo cards as well as focusing on the numbers called out during a game can greatly aid mental stimulation.

3. Age does not really matter

Old or young, learning to play mobile video games[4] is quite easy. The gaming companies are continuously developing games, designed to target youngsters and unlock their potentials. Racing games especially are aimed at the young. Users can tilt their handheld devices to imitate the actions of a real steering wheel. These games equip younger users with the ability to improve on their driving skills.

Racing cars also allows the youngsters to work on their smaller muscle groups. This allows them to reach important and necessary milestones, which can help their cognitive development.

4. They enhance wellbeing

Playing mobile video games allow and enable users to engage in a sense of escapism, since these games require full engagement and deep concentration.

Games have specific ways of ticking all the boxes necessary for successful training of the brain. This is true especially for games users play against the clock. These games get users to focus, think faster and also think flexibly.[5]

By exercising all these skills, which most of the time are very challenging, you can improve your overall well-being. Companies like WonderTree[6] are even redefining special education with augmented reality games.

5. They build social communities

Certain games help users build a social community[7] such as Chess With Friends and Wordfeud. These games allow users to chat with strangers or friends as they play against them.

Another study discovered that people with autism are usually more engaged when they are celebrating victory as they share space with multiple players.[8] Lack of communication is usually a hard issue for those with autism, but increased social interaction from games that involve multiple players can help them.

With the above, you can defend yourself proudly when anyone asks you the benefits of mobile games.

5 health benefits of playing mobile games

Playing video games is well known to provide certain health benefits—from reducing depression, to relieving stress and even creating a general good feeling. While this might sound like an outrageous claim, there are lots of available evidence to support it. This has led many to incorporate video games into their regular lives. Allocating a bit of time to playing games can improve your mental health in a lot of amazing ways.

This topic is quite controversial, as there is evidence from researches and studies, to support and oppose the claims made. However, the research supporting the benefits of video games[1] would be difficult and really irresponsible to ignore. The following are some of the benefits of online video games:

1. They improve moods

There are few better ways to boost one’s mood than the feeling of victory[2] that comes with knowing you have finally figured out a difficult mobile video game level and completed the game successfully.

This usually comes with games that involve users trying to find their ways around demolishing the enemy’s Crown Towers, like in Clash Royale Gemmes, where users have an excellent visual approach and are equipped with great mechanics.

In addition, playing mobile games can help to keep anxiety at bay and promote relaxation. If just by playing video mobile games, people get happier, then why would anyone ever dispute the emotional benefits?

2. They train the brain

As it relates to boosting brain power,[3] online bingo and certain other games are successful in this. Spatial awareness is enhanced (thanks to different bingo games such as 75 ball bingo where users have to look at different horizontal, diagonal and vertical patterns in order to win the game). Additionally, playing these games regularly can help increase memory capacity. Tasks such as keeping track of different bingo cards as well as focusing on the numbers called out during a game can greatly aid mental stimulation.

3. Age does not really matter

Old or young, learning to play mobile video games[4] is quite easy. The gaming companies are continuously developing games, designed to target youngsters and unlock their potentials. Racing games especially are aimed at the young. Users can tilt their handheld devices to imitate the actions of a real steering wheel. These games equip younger users with the ability to improve on their driving skills.

Racing cars also allows the youngsters to work on their smaller muscle groups. This allows them to reach important and necessary milestones, which can help their cognitive development.

4. They enhance wellbeing

Playing mobile video games allow and enable users to engage in a sense of escapism, since these games require full engagement and deep concentration.

Games have specific ways of ticking all the boxes necessary for successful training of the brain. This is true especially for games users play against the clock. These games get users to focus, think faster and also think flexibly.[5]

By exercising all these skills, which most of the time are very challenging, you can improve your overall well-being. Companies like WonderTree[6] are even redefining special education with augmented reality games.

5. They build social communities

Certain games help users build a social community[7] such as Chess With Friends and Wordfeud. These games allow users to chat with strangers or friends as they play against them.

Another study discovered that people with autism are usually more engaged when they are celebrating victory as they share space with multiple players.[8] Lack of communication is usually a hard issue for those with autism, but increased social interaction from games that involve multiple players can help them.

With the above, you can defend yourself proudly when anyone asks you the benefits of mobile games.

It’s Not Wrong To Love Someone Who May Not Be Right For You

It’s not wrong.

It’s not wrong to love someone, even when they’re not right for you. It’s not wrong to want something out of love that isn’t what you were taught, told, or pushed towards. It’s not wrong to want something out of love just because it’s what your parents have, what your siblings have, what your friends have. It’s not wrong to change your mind. It’s not wrong to persevere, even when it seems futile to everyone else. It’s not wrong to give up, even when other people can see a way forward.

I have wanted something different out of love at different points in my life, and I’m willing to bet you have, too. We emulate the things we see around us, we are products of the company we keep at different times of our lives, and what’s good for us then might not be what’s good for us now, and that’s perfectly fine.

It seems frustrating, when your standards get more and more stringent as you age, trying to find someone as the pool seems to be narrowing. The realization that if you can’t have what you want, you’re better off on your own. The freedom that the right relationship doesn’t have to be the “good enough” relationship. The pain of understanding that the relationship you thought you wanted isn’t what you actually want, come to think of it.

I thought I had found the one at 19 years old. A lot of people will laugh and roll their eyes at that one, what does a child know about finding a forever kind of love? They’d be absolutely right, I knew nothing. One has to learn somewhere, though, and 19 is as good an age as any.

I was a product of my environment, and wanted what my friends had. I wanted a man that I could show off and brag about, look at all the sweet things he does for me, and he can sit and roll over and everything! I wanted a guy who would like exactly what I liked, plan the Pinterest-quaint wedding of my dreams, and turn a blind eye when my eye inevitably wandered. Do you see where I’m going here? I was specifically looking for someone who was like me, but a version I didn’t respect. I could get all internal psychology and talk about how it presented a deeper understanding of my lack of self-respect, but let’s not delve too deep.

It still wasn’t wrong. It was still okay for me to want that, and it was still okay for me to experience that.

We have a tendency to judge people, younger or older or whatever, about their relationship choices. I know I catch myself doing it often, shaking my head and clucking sympathetically when I can see someone making a bad romantic decision. Sure it might hurt, and sure they are going to feel it, but it’s something they have to feel. It’s something they have to experience, for one reason or another, in order to eventually decide what it is they really want in their romantic lives. I learned that respect was not only an important facet in my love life, but a KEY facet in my love life. The idea of there being a mutual respect between me and my partner was something so unromantic that it didn’t even cross my mind before, but here I am declaring it one of my cornerstones. For me, love isn’t enough when there’s no respect.

I remember the times when older, wiser friends tried to step in during my “learning” relationships, and my emphatic claims that I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t wrong, technically speaking. I was learning, and even though I was making some big errors, they were necessary ones. These much more knowledgeable people would try to explain exactly where I was going wrong, and there were times when my mind could almost grasp it, but then there were others where I shook my head and vehemently declared them to be absolutely wrong.

I can understand where they were coming from now, as I watch friends and acquaintances at earlier stages make mistakes. It’s so easy seeing them from an outside perspective to judge, warn, and lecture. It’s not so easy confronting the fact that you’ve made a mistake, or to walk away, or to hurt someone.

In the end of my learning relationships, I knew I had made mistakes. I knew it would be easier and simpler to stick it out, and “love the one you’re with”. Wasn’t it only a few short decades ago that the dating pool of available men and women was so small that they had to choose, and then fall in love afterwards? Where they perfected the art of the “good enough” relationship? When you marry someone, or move in with someone, or get a dog with someone, isn’t that reason enough to renew your commitment despite all your misgivings?

You have permission to give up. You have permission to walk away. You have permission to decide that you don’t want to try. You don’t want to keep going. You don’t want to be satisfied with “good enough”. You can do all this, but there’s a price and a risk to everything. You risk being alone. You risk being the bad guy. You risk hurting someone. You risk alienating people, losing friends, losing money, your dog, your home, your entire known routine. You are stepping out into a completely unfamiliar, lonely world of your own.

Someone once told me that the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. The more you sacrifice and change, the greater the potential for something good beyond your wildest dreams to enter your life. Logically, this makes sense. If you only half leave a relationship, cheat on someone while maintaining your safe little life, change the world around you in half measures, you’re not going to end up with the best possible outcome. You’ll likely end up with something that’s mostly unsatisfying and not quite as good as it should be. In the karmic sense, the statement is complete and utter bullshit, but I love it and believe it with my whole entire heart.

There comes a time in every person’s life when they realize how cosmically impossible it seems to find someone who wants the exact same thing they want at the exact same time. After years of chasing people who don’t want to be in a relationship but are perfect for you otherwise, or years of being chased by someone who wants to nail you down, or years of swiping through dating app after dating app, it’s daunting to realize how perfect the storm has to be in order to bring you what you really want.

Respect. Someone you think highly of, and who thinks highly of you. Someone who doesn’t always understand your opinion or agree with it, but will defend your right to have it and speak your mind. Someone who will respect you enough to be honest with you, even when it’s difficult. Someone who will talk through fights with you instead of with their friends over drinks or all over social media. Someone who knows you can do anything you set your mind to, and will cheer you on. Someone that you won’t ever badmouth. Someone that you’re proud to call your partner. Someone whose individuality you admire deeply.

Care. Someone who wants to work at things. Someone who wants to help out around the house, and do things that are hard and not fun. Someone who isn’t afraid of the sticky situations, who isn’t going to avoid them just because it’s easier. Someone whose happiness and comfort you value as dearly as your own, someone you would sacrifice your own happiness for, just to give them a moment of peace or respite. Someone who cares enough about your bad days to make sure you have a good ones.

Love isn’t listed anywhere on the list, because it’s comprised of all those little things under the umbrella of the two bigger things. At the end of the day, everything we do for our partners and everything we come to together comes back to respect and care. It does seem daunting to find someone who will have the same level of respect for us as we will have for them. Or care just as much as we do about the state and health of the other person as well as the relationship. It is ridiculously hard, and way over complicated considering how big our pool of possibilities. However, it is OKAY to hold out for that. It is okay to make some relationship errors in order to find what you want.

It is especially okay for those errors to be public. It is okay to love someone publicly and unabashedly, even when other people say it’s wrong. It is okay to keep plugging away at something, when other people can see the effort isn’t reciprocal. You will hurt and fall and feel pain. It might be embarrassing, people will go on about how they told you so, and the hurt pride at having to admit you were severely delusional about someone you were effusive of all over your Facebook, Instagram, and twitter will make you want to destroy your smart phone forever. You’ll live, though.

When you do finally get to the end of the road, and find the special someone you’ve always been meant to be with, there will be serious skeptics. Wave them away and enjoy being in love, because you have worked hard for this. You deserve this.

Finally.