This Is Why She Has To Ignore You When All She Wants To Do Is Answer

She thought you were gone. Like really gone this time.

She sat there mourning the loss of you even though you two weren’t a thing but when something feels like it is the pain is all the same.

How do you miss someone who isn’t even yours to keep? But you do.

You think back to the good memories and the good conversations and everything that made you smile about the person.

But the part you leave out is all the bad moments that brought you to your knees.

Then your name popped up on her phone. Usually, she sleeps through any noise but this time she woke up to see exactly how long you waited to answer just to say one word back. Why? Why now? Why answer so late when there’s nothing really to say?

So she falls back to sleep and your name pops up again days later. A different app and different conversation starter. Like you know exactly what to say to get her to respond to you.

And the truth is she wanted to answer. She wanted to talk to you. She wanted to know how you were doing. She wanted to tell you everything going on in her life since you ‘left’ …again.

Your coming and going should be something she’s used to but she’s never been one to handle goodbyes with grace.

But you didn’t leave you just lingered choosing to come and go as you wanted to.

She didn’t answer and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to hear from you or she stopped caring.

She can probably tell you how many days she sat waiting for you to answer. Waiting for your attention. But after one or two or three messages ignored she heard you loud and clear.

Her lack of response isn’t a sign of disrespect. It isn’t giving you a taste of your own medicine. It isn’t making some move in this game of the rules you created and recreated so many times just when she thought she had you figured out.

She didn’t answer because it hurts too much to. To cave and have you ignore her again because that’s always how it goes.

She texts you, you ignore her. You text her, she responds then you decide when you want to give her your attention.

Like some game, she didn’t even ask to participate in.

South Africa: Nhlanhla Nene resigns over graft

South African Finance Minister Nhlanhla Nene resigned Tuesday over undisclosed meetings with the business family at the heart of a corruption scandal, dealing a blow to President Cyril Ramaphosa.

Nene was seen as one of Ramaphosa closest allies and a leading figure in the governments efforts to tackle graft that allegedly flourished under former president Jacob Zuma, who was ousted in February.

But Nene revealed to a judicial inquiry last week that he had met with the Gupta business family at their home and offices six times -- contradicting earlier statements that he had only met them in passing at social occasions.

I have decided to accept his resignation, Ramaphosa told a televised press briefing in Cape Town.

He added that Nene feared his testimony to the inquiry detracted from the important task of serving the people of South Africa particularly as we work to reestablish public trust in government.

Ramaphosa stressed that Nene has not been implicated in any act of wrongdoing himself and hailed him as minister who had defended the cause of proper financial management as well as clean governance.

Nene, who was widely respected by investors, served as finance minister from 2014 to 2015 until he was sacked by Zuma and was re-appointed by Ramaphosa earlier this year.

Nene apologised after giving testimony to the inquiry, which is probing allegations of systematic corruption under Zumas government involving the three Gupta brothers.

I was wrong in meeting the Guptas at their residence and not in my office or at least a public place, his public apology letter read.

These visits do cast a shadow on my conduct as a public office bearer. I deeply regret these lapses and beg your forgiveness.

Former central bank governor Tito Mboweni was named as Nenes successor.

The Guptas are a trio of Indian-born brothers accused of fraudulently profiting from vast government contracts and energy and transport deals under Zuma, who ruled from 2009 to 2018.

Ramaphosa has vowed to crack down on corruption as he tries to revive the economy and boost declining support for the ruling ANC party ahead of elections next year.

At the graft inquiry, Nene accused Zuma of pushing policies designed to benefit the Guptas, including a massive nuclear power expansion programme.

Nene, speaking under oath at the hearings, also said that his then deputy Mcebisi Jonas was offered Nenes job after Nene refused to back the nuclear proposals.

The inquiry, which opened in August, is investigating allegations that Zuma organised a web of graft at government departments and public enterprises in a scandal known as state capture.

South Africa, Africas most advanced economy, slipped into recession in the second quarter of this year, and suffers a stubbornly high unemployment of about 28 percent

Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With ‘Nice Guys’

Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With ‘Nice Guys’

But he never says anything negative about how I look, you’re thinking. He doesn’t judge me. Pointing out girls with supermodel good looks and simply muttering “fuck” under his breath is enough. Constantly complaining about how he barely finds any girls attractive is enough. “I’m a nice guy,” he says. “I’m just picky. It’s not like I treat unattractive women any different.” Even if you don’t want to admit it, sometimes you wonder if he means you.

Women are told that judging others on their looks is shallow. Men are told that it’s their right.

You probably think that you’re exempt from these judgements because this guy is your friend. Maybe you even feel special because he’s comfortable sharing these little nuggets of judgement with you. He must value you.

You are part of this. He does judge you, whether he says it to your face or not. “I only like fit girls,” he says, and you know that’s not you because you hate the gym and love French fries. “Don’t you think she’d look better if she lost weight? ” he says about a mutual friend who weighs only a couple pounds more than you. “I wouldn’t date her ,” he says after looking at a Facebook photo of another mutual friend’s girlfriend. It’s not like you asked. It would be different then.

I have plenty of male friends who are not like this. I’m sure they have preferences, but I don’t know what they are, at least not to this extent.

That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with having preferences. That’s normal and human. There is something wrong with a man telling his female friends that women without certain physical qualities are less valuable to him. Even when criticism isn’t aimed at you, it still shouldn’t be rolling around in your head. It’s as poisonous to your self-esteem as the covers of Cosmo were to you in your teen years. Be prettier. Be better, it seems this man is saying to you. You are not enough.

There are two categories of women to “nice guys:” fuckable and not fuckable.

You’re in one of those categories, and it’s probably not the latter if he hasn’t expressed an interest in you (because “nice guys” also believe any girl they like “just needs to give them a chance,” so if he wanted you, you’d know). That hurts even if you’re not attracted to him. You find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering what he sees. Does he tell his other friends he thinks you’re ugly and fat too?

But this is his problem, not yours. He might not be a bad person, but he’s certainly bad for you. You have a great time hanging out with him, and you agree on a lot of things, but that’s not enough. Expect more from your friends, and remember this: Someone’s not ugly because they’re overweight. You’re not unlovable because you don’t look like Emily Ratajkowski. He’s not a “nice guy” because he says so. You are enough, and you deserve people in your life who see that.

Love Is Not Destructive, But People Are

Love Is Not Destructive, But People Are

Love is not mean. People are when they say they love you and then hurt you. When they make you feel special and then drop you like you meant nothing. When they find a way to unlock your heart and then lose the key. People are mean when they treat love as a game of numbers, as a game of who cares less, as a game of how many hearts they could break before they get their heart broken and a game of how many people can chase them so they can feel wanted, validated, loved and get away with anything they want.

Love is not frustrating. But modern dating is; the fact that you don’t know where you stand, you don’t know how many people the person you like is talking to, you don’t even know if the person you like likes you back or if they just want your attention.

Love is not manipulative, but people are. When they want to keep you so they give you just enough to make you hope for more but they don’t promise anything so you don’t hold it against them. When they act selfishly one night because they were lonely or drunk or heartbroken and then change their minds in the morning. When they make you believe that they’ll stay, that they could be different but then they leave and become like everyone else.

Love is hard. But it’s not destructive. It doesn’t bruise you the way people do. It doesn’t belittle what you do or who you are. It’s not out to get you. It’s not intentionally breaking your heart. But the people you love could destroy you simply because they don’t know how to love or because they’ve never been loved. Sometimes people don’t know what love is and they keep trying on people’s hearts and end up breaking them. But real love is not destructive even if it’s hard. Real love is healing, it’s supposed to tame you and it’s supposed to make you stronger.

Love is magic. But people keep making excuses and finding reasons to run away from it. People let their work or their busy schedules stand in the way of love. They find ways to make it stop. They find barriers to make it not work. They put rules, limitations and deadlines. They use logic. They use numbers and statistics for emotions and feelings and then they wonder why it never makes sense.

Love is ethereal. Love is divine. Love is marvelous.

But people always find a way to ruin beautiful things or break hearts and associate it with love. People who don’t know how to love should leave the hearts that can’t live without it alone, the hearts that are yearning for it, the hearts that think that love is the reason we’re all here and the reason why we’re alive.

Someday I’ll Write About You, But Not Today

Someday I’ll Write About You, But Not Today

“Will you ever write about me?”

The sentence trickles out of your mouth with that same, stupid, goofy smile I’ve grown way too excited about seeing. Whether it’s over from the screen of my smudged phone while we FaceTime from the bar, or from behind a pillow at hour in the morning where we both should be sleeping. That smile makes my heart believe in things I’d once forgotten about. That smile is too much.

So there you are, asking questions I don’t have the answer to but the grin on your face makes me want to tell you anything that will keep you around, even if just for a second.

“Have you written anything about me?”

There are so many stories in my head. Some about what has already happened, some about what I wish would. I’ve painted pictures of how you made me melt the first time you said, “You’re here,” to me as I stepped in your direction. I could write a novel filled with what would happen were there not miles separating us.

I’ve started so many paragraphs, so many essays, so many things about you and just stopped. Not for lack of trying, because I write about you every night when there’s only one glass of wine on my table where there should be two. Not for lack of inspiration, because you are what muses are made of. It’s because of a lack of confidence.

Because I’m certain that once I do the permanence of something where you are the central player will have a permanence that you and I will never have.

I’ve put off immortalizing you in saying what I have to say because once I do, you’re no longer mine. It’s putting you out into the world to be poetry for someone else. And as long as I keep you in my head, no one else can touch us.

Even when there is nothing to touch.

Even when there is no us.

Because darling, I know you’re a work of art. I know that I could write sonnets about how it felt when you held me and songs about the way you grabbed my face with both hands when you kissed me for the first time. I know that I could come up with metaphor upon metaphor for how at home it was to finally hold you close and I know that I would never be bored of describing the way your skin felt against mine.

But I don’t.

And I don’t because once I do, that’s it.

Once I write about you, my words are all we’ll ever have.

I know I’m holding off on penning those poems, finalizing those fantasies, or hitting publish on those pages because you aren’t here. You’re behind texts and unbooked plane tickets and not holding my hand or pouring your own glass of Pinot Grigio. You’re far away instead of within reach; a phone call away but still away. You’re past highways and speeding tickets, instead of rolling over in my bed from across 600 sq ft and shooting that stupid, stupid smile in my direction.

I’m holding off on making you a story because once I do, you’re no longer mine.

And I so, so wish you were mine.

“What are you writing? Is it about me?”

For the time being, no. Someday I’ll write about you. I’ll write about the words I swallowed down instead of whispering them into your ear and the things you did to my body and my heart that made me want to believe that people are good and that you still care about me.

Someday I’ll write every word that you deserve and shout your name into the universe and let people be jealous of all the things we were and all the things we never got the chance to be.

But not today.

Today I’m keeping you hidden. Today I’m keeping you behind closed doors. Today I’m keeping you under lock and key and close to a heart that you never knew you had.

That you never even asked for.

No, today I am keeping you mine.

A Love Letter To The Future Love Of My Life

A Love Letter To The Future Love Of My Life

To My Next One, The One

This has been a long time waiting. I’ve had quite a bit of heartbreak and pain, mostly self-inflicted wounds on my way to you. I’m on pace to have the emotional endurance of Ted Mosby from How I met your Mother but it’s all been worth it. While most guys can’t stop thinking about who they’re going to sleep with next I can’t stop thinking about falling in love with you.

I’ve had to be patient on my road to you and that might be due in part to emotional setbacks I’ve had along the way. However, I smile at the thought of you having a beautiful voice, yet singing so bad in the car it makes our children giggle. I dream of moments where I can give you piggy-back rides on the beach. I dream of moments spent inside binge watching a TV show, I dream of shopping with you and being more than happy to go in the store while you try clothes on. I dream of summer days exploring and winter days snuggled up by the fire (although maybe still exploring).

I don’t know if we’ve met yet, or if you’re going to be coming in my life soon, but I know I already love you so much and wish we could have spent this time together.

I am so excited to go with you when you get your nails done and spend time with you enjoying the little things. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s to appreciate you and appreciate the little things. I long for the days to bring you flowers home for no reason other than to give you a reminder of my love. I long for the days where I get to see your beautiful smile and how it lights up my world. I long for the days to get lost in your eyes. I realize this might seem like a lot of pressure to anyone who is not you, but for you it won’t be.

On my way to you I used to think we’d be two halves making a whole, but now I know that you can’t complete me and I won’t need you to. Nor will you need me to complete you, and maybe that’s what’s taking us so long to find each other. We won’t be two halves making a whole looking for completion. We’ll be two wholes coming together as one rooted in Christ and I yearn to show you love the way Christ loves the church. I want to be a God-fearing, wife-honoring man. That’s where I’m headed and I am now able to happily and patiently wait and be content with myself and life in the meantime. I don’t want to be anything less than prepared to love you the way He wants you and created you to be loved and I am unable to do that without being content with my own life.

I hope you like good morning texts, random love notes, and forehead kisses because I will be full of them. Not a day will go by where I don’t tell you how beautiful you are, whether it’s you waking up with morning breath and no make-up on, or after you have showered, brushed your teeth, and gotten ready for the day. As we wait to be united I am doing my best to find and discover myself in the meantime and I’m finally having a blast doing just that. I’m finding pleasure in all the aspects that life has to offer, I love being able to put a spark of happiness in people and start a fire of joy. So many amazing moments await us and I know we’ll both be ready when the time comes. I used to think I would have a relationship like Pam and Jim, but I’m beginning to realize we’ll be more like Michael and Holly. It could very well take more time than we liked, but it will also be more than worth all of the waiting, the crying (maybe me more than you), and the heartbreak lessons along the way.

Because as I said earlier we won’t complete each other, but we will complement each other, whether strengths or weaknesses we will be ready.

We’ll be ready for what life throws our direction and we’ll find our strength and our peace in Him.

So, I say here’s to silly arguments and hot dates, here’s to every mountain we will climb and every sport we will watch, here’s to the good days and the bad days, here’s to grocery store dates when we get a babysitter, here’s to exploring the world with you and loving you as hard as I can, here’s to growing old with you and never letting go.

Happily and patiently awaiting your arrival: you’re beautiful and I love you.

The Top 5 Mistakes Women Make When It Comes To Men

Dating sucks. It can be fun, but sometimes it gives me the biggest headache. It gives me a bigger headache when I catch myself or one of my girlfriends making the same mistakes when it comes to dating.

Many women for some reason naturally overcompensate and lose themselves too quickly in the beginning of the relationship. We all have the one friend that disappears the moment they get a boyfriend, and then comes crawling back three months later after they break up like nothing ever happened.

I’ve taken note of the many recurring mistakes women make when it comes to dating, and how to fix them:

Forget Their Own Interests

He likes you for a reason, aside from your face and body. Having your own interests, routine, and way of life is what makes you stand out from the rest of the women. If you’re in a book club, don’t stop attending your weekly meetings because he wants to watch Game of Thrones . Or if you have yoga class every Wednesday night and he wants to take you to dinner on that night, tell him to work around it.

Don’t stop your world and everyday routine for a man you’ve just started dating. Continue to focus on yourself, your goals, work, and own interests.

Ditch Their Friends

This one bothers me the most out of all of these common dating mistakes.

A couple weeks ago I went out with a couple of girls and a majority of them had boyfriends. They weren’t able to fully enjoy themselves, left early, and some were even crying because their boyfriends didn’t like them out at night.

Let me point something very crucial… if a guy has guys night, he’s not canceling a night out with his boys for anything . If you say you need help folding laundry, he’s still going. If he’s going to Vegas for the weekend, you can blow up his phone all you want, but he’s not going to come home sooner.

So why do we women ditch our girlfriends or cancel plans to be with a guy? He’s still going to like you if you see him after your set plans. He may even find it sexy, too.

He wants to invest his time in a woman, not a puppy that will roll over and play dead on command.

Social Media Stalk

It’s pretty simple, if you’re not exclusively dating then you’re probably going to see something you’re not going to like. There were girls before you, he has female friends, and he is a human so he socializes through direct messages and comments on pictures. Spending your time trying to see who he may have been interested with in the past or if he met someone new over the weekend is a waste of your time.

You’re making yourself paranoid, filling your insecurities, and not making room for growth and trust.

Girls will comment on his photos, and his response is a reflection on the value he has for your growing relationship. If she’s a friend, he’ll tell you. However, if he’s putting flirty emoji’s on many girls photos, that’s a reflag you shouldn’t ignore.

* Side Note* Try to avoid subliminal messages on social media too. It’s immature. If you want to get his attention or if something’s on your mind, just tell him.

Attempt To Be “One of The Guys”

Those are HIS friends. Not yours. You can have mutual friends and keep it cordial, but don’t have all of his friends’ numbers and think your “besties”.

How would you feel if your man had all of your girlfriends’ numbers and was texting them to grab lunch? I would imagine uncomfortable.

At the end of the day, his friends will always have his back first. So if you and your man are in an argument and you confide with his buddies… they’re most likely going to relay the message back to him.

Stick to your own friends, be nice to his, and try not to tag along to every football game with the boys.

Put All Their Cards on The Table Too Soon

Everything must be earned. Whether it’s sex, a home cooked meal, or tickets to a basketball game. If you spoil him right away, he’s either going to think you’re easy, desperate, or both .

If you make him a four course meal and slaved hours over it, and you haven’t been dating him for more than a month, you’re overcompensating. If a man bought you a Chanel bag on a second date, you’d either think that you don’t have to do much to get more out of him or that he does this for everybody.

Don’t tell him your whole life story, the bad breakups you had that shaped you, or how much weight you want to lose right away. You don’t want to scare him away. Think of it like this: if a movie trailer gives the ending away, are you going to spend money and sit in a theatre to watch it? Didn’t think so.

Be confident, act like the queen you are, and watch him prove himself that he’s worthy of your time and attention.