The story of Auntie M

The Story of Auntie M

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chicks. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all of your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chicks for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Billy, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My dad told me this story about my Auntie M... Auntie M was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got shot down. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of rum, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of Moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Auntie M when she's been drinking."

Power of the Badge

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but don’t go in that field over there," as he points out the location. 



The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On ANY land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" 


The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. 



A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull. 



With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs. 

"Your badge... Show him your BADGE! "