We were inseparable right from the start. Attached at the hip, there was no me without you and no you without me.
When we were apart, we wondered what the other was doing, and when we were together, we were in our own world – a complete nuisance to everyone around us. Constantly in hysterics, laughing uncontrollably at the top of our lungs, we would finish each other’s sentences and the inside jokes we had were enough to fill a book.
You knew me better than I knew myself and I could have never imagined my life without you. I expected to grow old with you by my side. Yet somehow, somewhere, something went wrong.
You changed and you didn’t leave room for me to change with you.
For a long time I would cry whenever I thought about you, trying to figure out how I could fix it, fix us. All I wanted was to go back to the way things were. I tried to pinpoint what I did to make you no longer want me in your life, but try as I might, I couldn’t find a reason.
I guess you could say we simply grew apart, and maybe someday, somehow, that will be enough to mourn what we were. When I think about you now though, that’s not enough. It’s not enough of an answer. I cared about you more than any other person in my life for a very long time. I always put you first. I would have done anything for you, but in the darkest, deepest corners of my mind, I always knew I cared more about you than you did about me.
It’s an awful feeling, you know, to realize that no matter what you do, you can’t force someone to care about you, and you can’t force yourself not to, no matter how hard you try.
You never valued our relationship or wanted all of the same things as me. I will always mourn the loss of what we were and what we had. I will forever miss the good times we shared, and having you by side. I will always wonder what we could have been, and what would have been, if our relationship had stood the test of time. We grew up together, grew into our own, and I guess grew apart in the meantime. The difference between you and I is that I wanted to try and you didn’t. It hurts and it will always hurt, but I would rather live with that pain than ever regret loving you.
No comments:
Post a Comment