To The Boy Who Used Me To Cheat On His Girlfriend

I hate you.

I hate you for lying to me from the moment we started talking, for telling me I was the only girl in your life, for making me think you wanted a relationship with me.

You came to visit me while I was away at school, you held my hand and kissed me in public. You shared the deepest parts of yourself with me, allowing me to do the same.

I hate that you put me through all of this and still will not just acknowledge that you hurt me.

You have no empathy or dignity and are so immature. You got caught. Own up to your mistakes and apologize to the people you have wronged. I shouldn’t have to squeeze an apology out of you and it’s embarrassing that I keep messaging you and never get a reply, but I also don’t care. You act like this enlightened liberal boy, yet in reality, you have no respect for people and only care about yourself.

You are a scam.

How dare you get jealous when I so much as mentioned any other guys, while you had a girlfriend back home. I can not believe that I ended things with the hottest guy I’ve ever slept with when I met you and yeah, it’s petty to tell you that, but I am literally going crazy right now, and he was, and is, the most beautiful human I have laid eyes on. I wish I could handle this with maturity and grace, but it’s so hard because I meant nothing to you while you meant so much to me.

And you just get away with it. You get to stay in a relationship and I get abandoned and ignored. I want you to feel the pain and humiliation I feel; this constant cycling of emotions is exhausting, going from being understanding to so angry, to devastated, to hating you, and to missing you.

I hate that now every time a boy tries to touch me I recoil. That every word that comes out of a man’s mouth is assumed to be a lie. And how dare you say to her that I am crazy and lying when I am neither of those things. You are the liar. I should’ve known from the moment you slapped me that you were an abusive and toxic person. I should’ve known from all those snarky little comments you made about me being “ditzy” or “that’s the first time you’ve actually said something funny.” But I never said anything because I did not want to be the girl who was overly sensitive and overreactive; but it made me feel so sad and embarrassed and I never told anyone, because I know my friends would have told me to leave in a second and they would have been right.

I don’t care if you think I am crazy or bitter. You need to know how you make me feel. My feelings are valid and I will not be silenced.