Tuesday, 30 October 2018

When You Sleep With Someone You Do Not Love



I feel his warm, sticky breath on my neck Luring me Taunting me Tonguing my jawline He rests his hand on my thigh A searing touch And hitched breath

One hand tracing down my spine Cascading chills where his fingers once were The other hand tangled in my hair –pulling and tugging ever so gently, Leaving my mouth open and awaiting his

Finally, my lips are embraced by him Our tongues meet Dancing with one another a long awaited greeting a mouthful of desire Devouring me with each slow, hard kiss

His nails claw into my back Agonizing pleasure I become his own personal catnip I purr softly into the nape of his neck

Smoldering lips caress my ear A nibble here and there “Oh God” I whisper through the moans An epileptic climax courses through my veins

Succumbing to his ravenous touch Reducing to a puddle of lust Allowing him to consume Every part of me

All said and done Sitting in the insatiable silence Awaiting the feeling in my legs to return I taste the bitter ambiance Raw Empty

I drown in a feeling Once resembling lust

Loneliness

Woman cuts off boyfriend manhood


A girlfriend cut off her partners penis after suspecting him of cheating, it has been claimed.

Jealous lover Rehema Kabayana, 24, was convinced Anthony Sekawa, 28, was having an affair.

And she allegedly used a four-inch knife to get her revenge, reports the PML Daily in Uganda.

According to police, she waited until her boyfriend had fallen asleep before doing the deed.

Neighbours heard his howls of pain and called police. Sekawa was then rushed to hospital.

He told police that the couple had got into a fight, during which she had apparently tried to cut his throat.

He later fell asleep, and that is when Kabayana is said to have hacked off Sekawas manhood.

Upon arrest, Kabayana told police that she had recently discovered her boyfriend was seeing different girls at a brothel located in Wanton Mukono and hatched the revenge plot.

“I then discovered that he was secretly going out and flirting with other girls at different bars. This made me very angry. I was full of anger inside and couldn’t relax,” she told them.

Sekawa was rushed to Namirembe Hospital, the paper said, for treatment while Kabayana was arrested and held in custody over the attack.

Kampala Metropolitan Police spokesman Luke Owoyesigyire confirmed that Mukono Police had received an emergency call about a man’s penis being cut off with a knife.

Owoyesigyire told the paper officers arrived along with rescue staff and found the man severely injured and he was rushed to hospital.

Detectives told them the couple have long battled over his womanising, she had demanded he cease contact with any other women, including not talking to them, answering their calls or even smiling at them.

She told police he had failed to do so.

Kabayana felt her demands were being taken for granted and decided to carry out the sickening act at Kings Bar located in Wanton Mukono District.

The paper said the victim told police that he loved his girlfriend and believed she maimed his manhood in a grizzly bid to make sure he did not stray looking for other women.

The suspect is currently detained at Mukono Police Station on charges of attempted murder as the investigation continues.

The paper said Sekawa is not the first Uganda man to have lost his penis at the hands of a raging partner.

In December 2014, a 28-year-old Kamuli District resident, Abdul Ibinga had his penis cut off by his estranged wife Madinah Namuwaya.

Julen Lopetegui sacked by Real Madrid


 Real Madrid has sacked coach Julen Lopetegui after just two months in charge with the side ninth in La Liga following a humiliating defeat to Barcelona.


The 5-1 El Clasico defeat at Camp Nou Sunday proved the final straw for Lopetegui, who was dismissed from his position as Spain coach on the eve of the World Cup after agreeing to take charge of Real for the start of the 2018/2019 season.

An official club statement thanked Lopetegui for his efforts but said the decision "aims to change the dynamics of the first team, when all the objectives of this season are still achievable."

Santiago Solari, the Real Madrid B coach, will take over on an interim basis. The club gave no indication of who they would appoint permanently.

Under Lopetegui, Los Blancos has won just four out of 10 league games and suffered a Champions League defeat to CSKA Moscow.

Zinedine Zidane left his role as Real boss in May this year having led his former club to nine trophies in a two-and-a-half year spell, including three consecutive European titles.

A disconsolate Julen Lopetegui looks on as his Real Madrid side slips to defeat at the Nou Camp.

With Cristiano Ronaldo's departure to Juventus in August, goals have been difficult to come by for the Spanish outfit, which at one point this season went four games without scoring.

Meanwhile in an interview with France Football, Ronaldo has talked in detail about his decision to leave Real for Juventus.

"He only ever looked at me as a business relationship," Ronaldo told the French football magazine, referring to club president Florentino Perez. "I know it. What he told me never came from the heart.

"I felt it inside the club, especially from the president, that they no longer considered me the same way that they did in the start," he said. "In the first four or five years there, I had the feeling of being 'Cristiano Ronaldo.' Less afterwards.

"The president looked at me through eyes that didn't want to say the same thing, as if I was no longer indispensable to them, if you know what I mean."

Cristiano Ronaldo said club president Florentino Perez was a factor behind his decision to leave.

Visit cnn.com/football for more news and videos

The Juventus striker also said his move to Juventus hadn't been motivated for financial reasons.

"If it had all been about money, I'd have moved to China, where I would have earned five times as much than here [at Juventus] or at Real," said Ronaldo.

"I did not come to Juve for the money. I earned the same in Madrid, if not more. The difference is that, at Juve, they really wanted me. They told me that and made it clear. They showed me that."


Monday, 29 October 2018

7 Non-Crazy Ways to Coax Your New Guy Into Sticking Around


After months or (possibly) years of involuntary solitude, you’ve finally found a guy you’d like to hang on to. You’ve got the tinglies for him and he seems to be giddy for you. More importantly, you haven’t scared him off yet, which by the way, congrats! In retrospect, it might have seemed like the hard part was finding him, but really it’s going to be trying not to mess it up. How do you convince your new manwich to stick around once the new relationship smell washes off? Use the helpful tips and tactics below to stretch out the bliss of blind love.

1. Pump the Brakes

New infatuated lovers will often rush into a relationship. This tends to cause guys to freak out and run away screaming “this is moving too fast” or “run, she has a flail!” (A flail is one of those spiked ball and chain thingamabobs.) Thus, you need to convey that you aren’t too serious and want to keep this unlabeled relationship casual. Try calling him names such as “duder, bro or chief” during casual conversation and in bed.

2. Invent Another Suitor

Jealousy can be the sincerest form of motivation. Guys are competitive and you should use their neurotic insecurity to your advantage. Step away to take phone calls or have your girlfriends text you while you and him are out together. This will say “I want to keep my options open, unless you want to be exclusive, in which case so do I.” Remember, you’re not manipulating him, you’re just getting him to do something you want him to do.

3. Make Yourself Seem Interesting

Aside from appearance, dating is mostly based on contrived conversation and banter. It consists of material artificially created through past relationships that we pretend to deliver spontaneously. So, have some preplanned conversation starters that’ll make you seem quirky. Try something like “Who do you think would win a fight between a gorilla or a tiger?” or “You want to see me dislocate my jaw?

4. If 1, 2 and 3 fail see 5, 6 and 7.

So, you fucked it up. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I mean, honestly, what did you expect? Now, for your own sake keep reading.

5.  Trick Yourself

You may have realized it’s not going to work out because he’s going to try to end it. Make your brain beat him to it by convincing yourself it was a lost cause anyways! For example, does he wear those toe-shoes? Convince yourself that these minute details are deal-breakers! (Also, yes, we know you’re not supposed to judge someone till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, but if they’re wearing those toe shoes, we’re totally judging!)

6. Retail Therapy

Shop till you drop this temporary defeatism pain you’re experiencing. Go buy yourself something nice. Buying things will make you happy and take your mind off being alive and a terrible, disgusting undateable human being. Never forget that happiness is available in your shoe size.

7. Try Again

Get back on the horse instead of lying there in self-pity eating your feelings. The key to dating is constantly finding new persons that you’re too early in the relationship with to realize it’s not going to work out. So, get back out there and get those giddy feelings for a new guy till you get rejected then have to convince yourself you don’t like him by finding another new guy and repeat the process.

You Deserve More Than The Half-Hearted Love You Keep Accepting


Once you got dumped and just did not know how to deal. You felt like you had failed the relationship, your girlfriend or boyfriend, yourself. You thought you didn’t really deserve to fall in love again – like you had missed your chance.

And time and time again you were thrown into dating scenarios where everything you thought after that break up was confirmed. You were treated poorly. You treated people poorly. You had no sense of “I deserve better than this” or “I can be better.” You didn’t think those things, yoi accepted the insults and the cheating and the lies. You reciprocated them happily. You accepted the horrible treatment because you felt like a horrible person.

Even when you came around to realizing that you're not a horrible person, the dating scenarios never changed. You became happier and better only to still not have the wholesome relationship that you have been missing ever since the initial break up.

But just because people treat you poorly, it doesn’t mean you deserve it.

If you want happiness, happiness will find you. But if you accept those sucky people and their half assed love, that’s all you’ll keep getting.

You don’t have to settle.

I know it kind of gets to a point where you assume all people are just bad people and you’ll never have a good relationship – but that’s not the case. There are unicorns.There are people who will prove all of your other relationships wrong. They are the ones that will show you what you deserve. And it’s just around the corner if you stop giving the bad people a shot just because you’re lonely.

It’s hard, we cling to the people who give us attention. We cling even harder to the people who give us the attention then cruelly snatch it away.

But no matter who you are, what you have done, or where you have been – stop accepting the bad love that you think you deserve.

You deserve better.

Saturday, 27 October 2018

3 Text Messages You Shouldn’t Send To A Girl


If there is one thing you must do while living in San Francisco, it is to date and date plenty. In a city with the best food and drinks there is always something or better yet someone new to try out. After a breakup that I had invested 3.5 years to, another 5 months of “we’re not official but we’re still seeing each other” bullshit, and to top it off another 3 months of crying over it. I looked at myself in the mirror, slapped some color onto my flushed skin and told myself to fucking get over it and recreate myself. Let me break it down to you- I spent 1,430 days with someone I’ll never talk to again and another 90 days of believing I couldn’t live without him. Well, four years later and I’m alive and well. On the upside of a breakup, I was the skinniest I had ever been without even trying. Good shoes take you good places right? I grabbed my Jimmy Choo’s and had a night out with my girlfriends.

We were a group of college girls with two things on our minds – hot guys and hookups. People say that all guys constantly think about sex. For goodness sake, girls do too, but most have a hard time admitting it. We’re not as innocent as most believe but we can sure play the front. I mean give a girl some tequila shots and shirts will be flying off in all sorts of directions.

I was high on curiosity and let the booze sink into my tense muscles. I met guys at bars, walking down the street, at coffee shops, and even the post office line. I looked forward to waking up in the morning to see how the day would unfold. I told myself I wouldn’t say no and I went on casual dates with new people weekly. I couldn’t help but be a flirt and it was great. You’re in charge of your own happiness. Allow yourself to use your gifts and stand tall. While some guys you’d definitely look forward to seeing again, there were also the guys you’d do anything to avoid. Ever wonder why she never texted you back? Here are three scenarios why.

1. Neighborhood stereotypes come from stereotypical guys you meet in that neighborhood. You guessed it. Marina / Frat guy / Mid 20s / Single. Met him at the Tipsy Pig… Why am I not surprised? He was so patient he waited a full three hours before he rejected himself. The funny thing is I was working, wasn’t ignoring him, and simply didn’t look at my phone. What a douchebag. Glad he turned himself down to save me the trouble.

2. Pac Heights / Grad Student / Early 30s / Single. Met him on campus and he asked for my number. Fully regret that decision… He was nice we had coffee but then he stalked me around campus. Better yet he follows me into the silent zone of the library and kept trying to start a conversation. It took him three months to get the point.

3. Embarcadero / Early 40s / Engaged / Now Single. Met him at Butterfly Bar/Restaurant. Agreed to go to dinner with him. In the first 10 minutes he told me he was engaged but his girlfriend recently broke it off. I just listened to him while I pounded cocktails. Then he says, “You know I’m 41 right?” No I didn’t know that (Thanks for volunteering the information). Twenty minutes in and he starts talking about money and how he’s “got money”. Invited me to go to Saison with him. If you’ve heard about that restaurant you’d know how steep the bill is for that place. I politely declined and made up some excuse. I’m not a gold-digger and I was not into him. It was one of the shortest dinner dates I’ve ever had. I never responded to any of his text messages and it clearly drove him crazy. He seemed desperate and I was uncomfortable.

Guys… please don’t do this to us. It is just weird, creepy and annoying.

Sometimes it’s easier to not say anything at all. Who knows? Maybe that text message never got delivered and you can go on pretending you never sent it. Dating will always have its surprises and you’ll learn from everyone you meet and interact with. I encourage all the single girls out there to date plenty. You never know how you affect others. This is a public apology to the guys who never received a text back. She’s just not that into you.

Friday, 26 October 2018

Pipe bomb parcels sent to Clinton and Obama


Suspicious packages, identified as potential explosives, addressed to former president Barack Obama and defeated presidential nominee Hillary Clinton have been intercepted by the Secret Service, officials said Wednesday.

The Secret Service said it recovered a single package addressed to Clinton in Westchester, a suburb north of Manhattan on Tuesday, and a second package addressed to the Obama residence in Washington on Wednesday.

Both Democrats remain two of the most high-profile political figures in the United States, which goes to the polls on November 6 in key midterm elections seen as a referendum on Republican President Donald Trump.

The White House swiftly condemned what it called "despicable" acts targeting the two Democrat luminaries.

"The packages were immediately identified during routine mail screening procedures as potential explosive devices and were appropriately handled as such," the Secret Service said in a statement.

"The protectees did not receive the packages nor were they at risk of receiving them."

CNN

Moments later US news network CNN said it had evacuated its New York bureau over another suspicious package.

New York police confirmed that its officers had been called to the Time Warner Center, where the CNN bureau in the US financial capital is located, to investigate reports of a suspicious package.

The Secret Service, which provides protection to current and former US presidents and their families, Clinton is the wife of former president Bill Clinton, said it had initiated a "full scope criminal investigation."

The investigation would "leverage all available federal, state, and local resources" to determine the source of the packages and identify those responsible, it said.

It was not immediately clear whether Clinton or Obama, who has kept a family base in Washington after leaving office so that his youngest daughter can finish high school, were at home when the packages were found.

The FBI's field office in New York said it was "aware" of a suspicious package found in the vicinity" of Clinton's home in Chappaqua and that its Joint Terrorism Task Force was investigating.

The incidents come just days after an explosive device found in the mailbox at the New York home of US billionaire and liberal donor George Soros, a target of right-wing groups.

An employee of the residence in Bedford, an ultra-wealthy enclave just a 20-minute drive from Westchester, found the package in the mailbox on Monday. It was later defused by bomb squad technicians.

Born in Hungary, the 88-year-old hedge fund tycoon is one of the worlds richest men with an estimated net worth of $8.3 billion and a prominent philanthropist who has become a hate figure for right-wing groups.

Soros supported Clinton, Trumps rival in the 2016 US presidential election, and has been accused by nationalists the world over of sponsoring protests and seeking to push a liberal, multicultural agenda.

His Open Society Foundations on Tuesday condemned the "hateful rhetoric that dominates politics in the United States and so many countries around the world," noting it "breeds extremism and violence.

"In this climate of fear, falsehoods, and rising authoritarianism, just voicing your views can draw death threats," it said.

Earlier this month Trump accused Soros of paying demonstrators to protest against the nomination of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, who was accused of attempted rape in high school.

Soros has also been falsely accused of funding the caravan of migrants moving north from Honduras through Mexico en route to the US border.

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

Crocodile Wrestler and the Nasa Training


A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionaire said, "I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who'll join him in the pool."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.

Everyone turned around and saw Brian in the pool fighting madly with the crocodile, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butting it, getting it in choke holds, biting it's tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of martial arts expert.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Brian and the crocodile were screaming and raising hell.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, Brian strangled the crocodile and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish.

An exhausted Brian wearily climbed out of the pool with everybody staring at him in disbelief.

The millionaire said, "Well, Brian, I reckon I owe you a million dollars then."

"Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it," said Brian.

So the millionaire said "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks?"

"No thanks, I don't want it," Brian insisted.

The millionaire said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche, a Rolex and some stock options?"

Once again, Brian said, "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Brian, then what do you want?"

"I want the bastard who pushed me in," said Brian.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said: "Watch out for these guys; they've come to steal your land."

Crocodile Wrestler and the Nasa Training


A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionaire said, "I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who'll join him in the pool."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.

Everyone turned around and saw Brian in the pool fighting madly with the crocodile, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butting it, getting it in choke holds, biting it's tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of martial arts expert.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Brian and the crocodile were screaming and raising hell.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, Brian strangled the crocodile and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish.

An exhausted Brian wearily climbed out of the pool with everybody staring at him in disbelief.

The millionaire said, "Well, Brian, I reckon I owe you a million dollars then."

"Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it," said Brian.

So the millionaire said "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks?"

"No thanks, I don't want it," Brian insisted.

The millionaire said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche, a Rolex and some stock options?"

Once again, Brian said, "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Brian, then what do you want?"

"I want the bastard who pushed me in," said Brian.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said: "Watch out for these guys; they've come to steal your land."

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

He’s Definitely Your Forever Person If He Does These 20 Things With No Hesitation


1. He will take care of himself and his health because he wants to stick around to be with you. He will stay active and try to be healthy so he can have as much time with you as possible – and he’ll encourage you to do the same.

2. He will not give up on you even when you have given up on yourself. He will remind you why you are amazing and why your goals and dreams are worth fighting for, because you had them in the first place, and that is one of the reasons he fell for you. He will always support you.

3. He will sit through hours of movies, shows, exhibitions, traffic, and traveling because you like these things and wanted to do them – because what is most important to him is to see you happy.

4. He will make the effort to get to know your family and friends, and try his best to get along with them because he knows how important they are to your life. He will want all the important people in your life to have a good impression of him.

5. He will compromise or learn to compromise because no two people will agree on everything all the time. He will meet you halfway, and try to see things from your point of view. Even if in the end you both agree to disagree, he will always respect your views even if they are different from his.

6. He will always appreciate you and be grateful for having you in his life. This will show in his little gestures, as he will try to do little special things for you for no reason. He will not be someone who only talks, but will be someone who actually follows up with his actions.

7. He will plan a future with you in it, whether it be saving for a house or a life together. Dreams are beautiful but things cost money, so he will be mature and responsible, and try his best to take care of you – even when you can take care of yourself.

8. He will want to marry you and/or spend the rest of his life with you, not because you are a certain age or because all of your friends are getting married, not even if your parents are nagging you. It will be because he will hate the idea of not being with you for the rest of his life and will want to join your lives together.

9. He will not walk away even if you drive him crazy and make him so angry that he wants to just move on – he just won’t. He will stick around even after the most challenging times, and that is a keeper because he cannot imagine life without you.

10. He will choose to stay loyal. There will always be temptations but he will know that he loves and respects you too much to break your heart and your faith in love.

11. He will show up when he says he will. He will be there when he says he will be. He will keep his word.

12. He will make you want to be a better person, whether it be in school, work, or any other aspect of life.

13. He will trust you with all his heart, and he will be vulnerable in front of you. He will allow you to see the weakest side of him, knowing that you will be his strength whenever needed.

14. He will try to make your bad days better. It could be PMSing, losing your favorite shirt, not getting your dream job, or losing someone more important – he will stay by your side through thick and thin.

15. He will fight fair, because when you are with your forever person, it is not about winning – it’s about being fair and being able to see your own flaws instead of just focusing on your partner’s. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

16. He will be there for you when you are sick, when you have anxiety or a panic attack, or when you have gained a few pounds, because he is there for you for all of you, not just you on your fair weather days.

17. He is your forever person when the thought of him makes you feel safe and that everything will be okay, because he has proved himself to you.

18. He will be willing to make a fool of himself to make you smile. Despite being a terrible singer, he will sing for you at karaoke – because that smile on your face is worth tons of people laughing at him.

19. He will love you for all your flaws. You might think your hips are too wide, your face isn’t narrow enough, or that life would be better with ten less pounds. But he will love you for just the way you are.

20. He is your forever person when he will do ‘whatever it takes’ to make you (and keep you) happy.

Saturday, 20 October 2018

Date Someone Who Makes You Feel Comfortable From Day One


Date the person you feel comfortable talking to, even though you’ve just met, and you’re usually nervous around new people. Date the person you feel like you’ve known forever, even though it’s only been a few weeks.

Date the person you aren’t embarrassed around, even if you say something awkward, even if you trip and fall, even if you spill your drink on yourself and ruin your entire outfit. Someone you can joke around with, someone you can laugh at yourself with and not feel judged.

Date someone you can send messages back and forth with all night long without running out of things to talk about. Someone you never have to force a conversation with, because the words flow naturally between the two of you.

You should never date someone who makes you second-guess yourself. Someone who makes you sit up at night, overanalyzing every word you said and questioning whether you should have done something differently.

You shouldn’t have to rewrite your texts ten times before sending. You shouldn’t have to hand your phone over to your friends for their approval before deciding whether or not you want to go through with sending a certain message.

You shouldn’t have to censor what you say, because you’re still getting to know each other and you don’t want to weird them out. You shouldn’t have to hide pieces of yourself, because you’re worried they’re going to run if they see your truth.

Date someone you can be open with from the start. Someone who doesn’t care when you admit you still listen to old Hannah Montana music or that you’ve never been kissed before.

Date someone who feels like a friend as much as a partner. Someone you can laugh with and share secrets with and talk to about nothing and everything until the sun rises.

Date someone you’re comfortable snuggling up close to, holding hands with, and kissing. Someone you’re not embarrassed to take your clothes off in front of, because they make you feel attractive. Someone who never pressures you into doing something you would rather not do.

Date someone you don’t feel the need to impress. Someone you can snort-laugh in front of and won’t feel like they’re going to find you less attractive. Someone you know likes you, ‘flaws’ and all.

Date someone you are comfortable sharing silence with. Someone you don’t mind sitting on the couch with without saying a word, because the silence isn’t scary. It feels peaceful. It feels right.

Date someone you are comfortable with from the moment you meet, because your love shouldn’t feel forced. It should be the most natural thing in the world.

Friday, 19 October 2018

No foreign investigators in Mohamed Dewjis case


The unresolved abduction of billionaire businessman Mohammed Dewji has led to a tussle between the government and the opposition over calls to allow external investigators to join in the hunt for the missing tycoon.

The opposition spokesperson for Home Affairs, Mr Godbless Lema, on Tuesday asked the government to invite foreign experts to investigate the abduction, accusing the police of not showing any serious resolve to find the businessman and arrest his abductors.

But in a swift response, Home Affairs deputy minister Hamad Masauni declared that the government had no intention of allowing foreign investigators as police were capable.

It was the second time that a senior government official had affirmed that no foreigners would be allowed to investigate the unfolding events around last week’s incident.

Home Affairs minister Kangi Lugola was the first to state that there was no need to invite forensic experts from outside Tanzania to handle the case.

Related Content

Police free 16 held over Dar tycoons kidnapping

75 ABDUCTED

However, addressing a press conference on Tuesday, Mr Lema criticised the police for the way they have conducted the investigation so far.

He said by allowing an independent investigator, the government would discredit claims that it may have been complicit in the abduction.

“If you look carefully at statements made by the government, and the police in particular, you’ll see an utter lack of seriousness as far as the (government’s) response is concerned,” said the Arusha Urban MP.

Mr Lema added that the investigation should also be expanded to include other incidents where people have disappeared without a trace in the last few years.

Mr Lugola said last week that at least 75 people had been abducted in the last three years alone, adding that most of the cases – which involved business rivalry, love affairs, witchcraft or revenge – were resolved.

In his first public statement since Mr Dewji was abducted, Mr Lema said the push for independent investigators would help vindicate the government of suspicion that it may have been behind such incidents.

Mr Lema, who is also a member of Chadema’s Central Committee, said the government should realise that seeking help from external investigators on such a matter of national importance was not a sign of weakness.

Rather, he added, it would show that the government was genuinely intent on resolving the mystery surrounding Mr Dewji’s abduction.

VOLUNTEER INFORMATION

But speaking at a press conference in Zanzibar shortly after Mr Lema had spoken, Mr Masauni maintained that the government would not entertain such an idea because it had the capacity to handle the matter.

“I don’t see any reason to invite external investigators because we have enough capacity to carry out the job,” he said.

Mr Masauni urged Tanzanians and other people to volunteer information, which would help the authorities to find Mr Dewji.

Meanwhile, opposition chief whip Tundu Lissu called for action, saying abductions were on the rise. Mr Lissu is recovering in Belgium after he was shot and seriously wounded in an assassination attempt in Dodoma last year.

“We don’t have to involve politics in these incidents because they involve people’s lives. The government should take action,” he told The Citizen’s sister newspaper, Mwananchi.

Mr Dewji, 43, was abducted by unidentified gunmen last Thursday when he went for a workout at the high-end Colosseum Hotel in Oyster Bay, Dar es Salaam.

Police have released 19 of the 26 who were being held for questioning in connection with the abduction of the tycoon, whose family on Monday announced a reward of Sh1 billion for information leading to his safe return.

Mr Dewji was kidnapped by unknown men on Thursday October 11 and is still missing.

Thursday, 18 October 2018

22 Reasons He Wasn’t The Right Guy For You

1. If you’re honest with yourself, you made huge leaps and bounds to justify your attraction to him — both his physical looks and his personality.

2. He hated everything you loved including your friends and family.

3. He had no future ambitions/plans for his life.

4. He had numerous future ambitions/plans for his life – none of which included you.

5. You want to travel the world. He wants to stay in the same 10-block radius forever. Or vice versa.

6. HE WAS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP! (Slap yourself twice for even getting involved in the first place.)

7. He told you that he was looking for someone who would stay at home and ensure that dinner was made at 7:22 P.M on the dot every day. You weren’t down with that.

8. You want to stay at home and raise kids, he laughed and told you that’ll never happen.

9. You want kids, he doesn’t. Or he wants kids and you don’t. Neither of you plan on changing your minds.

10. When it was all said and done, your religious differences kept creeping up in arguments and neither of you wanted to compromise on them.

11. He had the maturity level of a seven year-old which was cute, until it wasn’t.

12. He used the words, “gnarly” and “YOLO” more than any human being should be allowed to.

13. He made you feel like a piece of crap 90% of the time.

14. He hit you or he threatened to hit you and one occasion of this was more than enough.

15. You constantly made excuses for him to those who questioned why you were with him.

16. He judged you based on your past decisions.

17. You just didn’t get each other’s sense of humor.

18. You could not stand his family and the thought of being forever connected to them made you physically ill.

19. You always felt like you had to put on a performance for him – that you could never quite be yourself when he was around.

20. He called you crazy when you were simply expressing your feelings.

21. He just wasn’t that into you and you’ve got enough self-respect to want to be with someone who does.

22. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was actually a decent guy that you were reasonably attracted to and got along with well enough. But something was missing or as luck would have it, the stars were just not aligned at the time. Everything happens for a reason. And sometimes that’s the only closure life can give you.

Thank the Vodka Gods for Facebook memories


Miss8 has worked out that she can pretend she cant hear me - in a way more mature way than my own lalalala I cant hear youuuu fingers in ears version that I have, until now, relied on when they ask awkward questions.

I can rant and rave, beg and plead, and her single excuse is wait...what? Oh sorry Mum, I didnt hear you...- and I have NO WAY OF PROVING OTHERWISE....

Despite being a people-pleaser - especially an adult-pleaser - she has worked out that theres more kudos in saving her adult-pleasing for teachers.

Shes also worked out that Im entirely embarrassing, as far as parents go.

I was all professional, work mode, at the school cross country the other week - blow me down if one of my besties (a parent volunteer), didnt have to convince me that, it was in fact my Miss8 (and not another student) coming down the straight - winning.

I completely lost my professional work persona shit and stood in the middle of the finish line, arms wide open, in full staff uniform, screaming her name....

....and she very obviously veered to the right, with a look of horror.

So I regained my staff persona and pretended I did not see her cross the finish line first, until she had to report to me for her official finishing position, and I ripped her off the ground and squeezed the living crap out of her little body.

She loved it, and she hugged me back - but only after checking that nobody else was watching...

Thank the Vodka Gods for Facebook memories....

For the first time ever, Ive found myself genuinely reminiscing over Facebook You posted this XXX years ago....pics of the kids.

As opposed to continuing down to the latest cocktail / DIY / food / celeb post.

All that professing of unconditional love over the years has come back to bite me in the arse.

They know theyve got me. That they ve got the upper hand.

This is unfamiliar territory.

Im used to being the unquestioned centre of their everything.

Clearly, Im going to have to work out what their kryptonite is, and regain the prized power position / unconditional love and respect.

FYI....it was their random refusal of my previously loved sneaky veg soup that actually prompted this post.

It sent me into a tail spin of reflection, on listening to their negotiations over dinner / bed times / upcoming school holidays.

They werent remotely interested in pleasing me, listening to my firm insistence that they loved my soup and it would make them strong / healthy / awesome.

But, whatever, the point is - they are clearly turning into manipulative little a-holes (apple, tree, obviously).

And I've lost the it factor....I dont have IT anymore....

To My Best Friend Who Broke My Heart



I wish this could be a soppy, “I miss you and hope you’re doing well,” kind of thing, but given the circumstances it isn’t. I also wish that I could still say that you are one of the best friends I’ve ever had, but that is so far from the truth.

Don’t flatter yourself. This is not written out of jealousy because you’re now engaged to my ex-boyfriend, but to wholly thank you for becoming the person in which I am forever grateful for. You see if it weren’t for you being so inconsiderate and thoughtless when I actually cared; I never would have learned that you were a snake in the grass, or that you were toxic at a level I will never be at.

Right before you ever so abruptly ended our friendship for the reasons that have now surfaced, I sent you a Facebook message of an article on things we could do this summer. I didn’t plan on you spending it with my ex-boyfriend. I don’t think anyone would. Because of that, I thought at this point in my life you would still be the one I was coming to with all of my latest drama and accomplishments when I needed your opinion or advice. I thought you’d still be the same best friend I had telling me to leave my ex, and who always reminded me I deserved better. The sister I never had who would always tell me in a heart-to-heart what a great and caring person I was.

Little did I know, you’d be the one to teach me so many things by going after the one person I have ever loved.

But still, I want to say thank you. Thank you for proving that I could never trust you, and that your words meant nothing as a best friend. Because of you I’ve realized that you can’t really trust anyone. You were someone who knew I trusted too easily, and you took advantage of that. Thank you for the lame excuse to end our friendship, which only helped me realize that you’re a coward. Thank you for being so easily influenced by the boy who broke my heart. Thank you for not giving a second thought to hurting me as bad as he did, because I have now learned how to handle things on my own. You weren’t there when I was sad this time, I am from the bottom of my heart beyond thankful for that.

I know it pains you that I am still a little bit in love with your fiancée. I wish I could tell you that you got to me with everything, but what I wish more than anything is that I could laugh in your face. Today, you told me that I need to set standards for myself and that I need to make the pictures last because he doesn’t want me. That may be true, but what is he settling with by being with you? You took the time out of your day to say all of these things to me because he and I happened to see each other, so I hope that you’re aware of your insecurities.

I learned that I don’t care what you think of me, but more importantly what I know about myself. I know that I’m better off in so many ways, and I know that I’m even better by not knowing you. I know that I am someone fully capable of loving from the depths of my soul because I still love the one who broke my heart so many times. I know that I am brave for standing up to you and for myself, even when you try and tear me down.

I am also brave because even though you’ve only had him for four months, it still hurts. Not having him for reasons you will never understand still hurts, but I still get through every day with a smile on my face. I know that losing you as a friend saved me from a lot of future back-stabbing. You saved me from a future friendship with someone I obviously couldn’t trust.

I know that you are going to realize one day what you’ve done, not only to me but to yourself. You have proven yourself to be capable of many of the things people in this world do not deserve to have happen to them. I know that one day when this is the last thing on my mind, I will be with people who know my worth and respect me enough to never put me through what you have. I know now more than ever, that I am forever grateful for the lesson you brought to my life.

They say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” What you don’t realize is that during the time he was hurting me over and over and you were there…I was strong. You tried to bring me down with your insecurity, and lack of trust in your fiancée. Now I am stronger. Strong enough to let your insults slide right off my shoulders, and strong enough to wait for the karma people like you deserve.

Wednesday, 17 October 2018

Man seeks police intervention to arrest a Ghost



A man wants police to protect his family against ghosts. The strange case was reported last week to the Kakamega Police Station by a man from Makhundi village in Navakholo constituency.

According to the Occurrence Book report, ‘jinnis’, allegedly working on the instructions of Juma Abucha’s relatives, have been unleashing terror on his wife and their daughter at night.

When we traced him, Juma told The Standard that for the past six months, ghosts have been tormenting and giving his family sleepless nights, demanding that he send his wife, who is disliked by his relatives, away.

Strange things started happening once in a while months back when the alleged ‘jinnis’ would cook and eat in their house or slap his wife and daughter.

“We could find used utensils or hear strange voices ordering us around or at times people would get slapped,” he said.

When he first reported the bizarre matter to neighbours, some dismissed him. Others resolved never to set foot in the home again. He took the matter to religious leaders, who prayed for him and his family in vain.

The ‘jinni’s’ took the game a notch higher and allegedly kidnapped Juma’s wife, Florida Ummy Khayo to an unknown destination 22 days ago, prompting him to report to police.

“She developed a strange skin disease in February. Blood would ooze out of her skin whenever she scratched her arms that were itching and cracking.

“ We visited several doctors and even took her to Lupe hospital in Kakamega town but they did not establish any disease nor offer treatment,” said Abucha.

He explained that when his family sought the help of a priest, the ghosts manifested and identified themselves.

They claimed to be working on the instructions of a close relative who “did not want me to continue living with Khayo because of her pride”. Never mind the couple has been together for 16 years.

“After the manifestation, the ghosts went ahead and sprinkled fresh blood in our living room for four consecutive days. Whenever we woke up, we would find blood sprinkled on the chairs and some poured all over the floor,” he said.

During the last attack that occurred a week ago before reporting to police, Abucha said his daughter was left speechless and could not explain what happened to her.

“After the latest beating, my daughter fainted for a while, forcing us to stay awake and look after her,” Abucha said tearfully.

Before his wife’s disappearance, the ‘jinnis’ allegedly beat him up in his bedroom, telling him that his wife has to go or he would die.

He said even though he tried calling for help, his voice was not audible. All the doors and windows were closed and he has not been able to understand how the ‘jinnis’ access his house.

The man is calling upon any one who has seen his wife to report to the nearest police station. She  left him with a one-year-old baby, whom he says, he can’t take care of by himself.

East Africa Owes China $29.4 Billion in loans


East African economies have in the past 10 years borrowed $29.42 billion to grow their transport, communication, manufacturing and energy sectors.

The region’s economies are now spending almost eight per cent of their revenues to service these loans, which analysts say are becoming a burden, especially given that their impact is yet to be seen on the growth.

The latest data from the China-Africa Research Initiative (Cari) at John Hopkins University shows that Ethiopia owes Beijing $13.73 billion, followed by Kenya at $9.8 billion. Uganda owes $2.96 billion and Tanzania $2.34 billion.

Rwanda, South Sudan and Burundi owe China the least amounts — $289 million, $182 million and $99 million respectively.

Cari director Deborah Brautigam said that the risk for the African borrowers relates to the projects’ profitability.

“It is always important to look at whether these projects will generate enough economic activity to repay these loans, as opposed to being seen as merely ribbon-cutting opportunities,” Ms Brautigam said.

Mega projects

The bulk of the monies, according to research by The EastAfrican, went into the transport sector, followed by power, communications and manufacturing.

Ethiopias biggest intake of the Beijing loans was in 2013, coinciding with the launch of its joint standard gauge railway project with Djibouti.

Addis took up more than $6.62 billion from Beijing for its mega projects, which also included the setting up of manufacturing zones.

The data also shows Kenya’s new railways line accounted for the highest debt intake from Beijing at $3.7 billion in 2014.

China Exim Bank has been the go-to financier for the region’s governments, giving out more than $16.3 billion.

The China Development Bank advanced East African economies more than $6.9 billion, while other Chinese lenders are currently owed $6.1 billion, data shows.

In terms of sector funding, Ethiopia invested the bulk of its funds in the transport sector ($4.37 billion), which was used for both the Addis Ababa light railway project and the Addis-Djibouti 700km railway. This was followed by communications at $3.16 billion and power projects at $2.54 billion.

Its manufacturing sector, which supports its fledging special industrial zones, including the Eastern Industry Zone and Huajian International Shoe City, received $2.02 billion.

“China gave priority to infrastructure and has promoted Africa’s sustainable development through these loans, which have been used for infrastructure construction, energy and the manufacturing industry,” said Liu Qinghai, a visiting researcher at Cari and head of the Centre for African Economic Studies at the Institute of African Studies at Zhejiang Normal University.

Kenya’s transport sector took in $5.55 billion, largely driven by the new railway line from Mombasa to Naivasha.

Nairobi also took a $597 million loan for its power projects, including the $135 million for the 55 MW solar power plant in Garissa funded by the China Exim Bank.

South Sudan has received $158 million for its transport sector to date, and a further $24 million for its energy projects.

Tanzanias energy sector remains the top financed sector funded by Chinese money, at $1.16 billion.

Dar es Salaam, which has not taken up any Chinese debt under President John Magufuli, has received $552 million for its communications sector.

Uganda, on the other hand, has seen its energy sector receive the highest funding from Beijing, at $1.92 billion, while its transport sector has absorbed $762 million.

Rwanda’s China debt for transport amounts to $151 million.

But the region’s countries seem to have slowed down bingeing on Chinese debt, with only Kenya and Ethiopia going to Beijing for loans.

Ethiopia borrowed $652 million last year, down from $926 million in 2016, while Kenya took $64 million, down from $1.09 billion in 2016.

In 2016, Kigali took $70 million and Kampala $85 million.

Debt roll over

Last month, Ethiopia became the first country to get its Chinese debt rolled over announcing that Beijing had agreed to restructure its $4 billion loan on the railway linking its capital Addis with neighbouring Djibouti.

Ethiopia’s Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed said that the countrys loans will now receive a further 20-year extension, which will see its annual repayments narrow to an affordable level.

“In conversations with our Chinese partners, we had the opportunity to enact limited restructuring of some of our loans.

“In particular, the loan for the Addis Ababa-Djibouti railway, which was meant to be paid over 10 years, has now been extended to 30 years. Its maturity period has also been extended,” Dr Abiy said.

Kenya also sought to get a grant as part of the package for its $3.8 billion loan for its continuing railway projects, as it seeks to manage its debt burden.

“The Naivasha-Kisumu phase of the SGR will cost $3.8 billion. And owing to its regional significance, I would request that 50 per cent of its cost be provided as part of grant financing,” President Uhuru Kenyatta said at the Forum on China-Africa Co-operation in Beijing in August. This request was not granted.

Tim Jones, an economist at the Jubilee Debt Campaign, said that the continent debt problem could worsen, especially given the opaque nature in which they are signed.

“Debt problems are worsening and many lenders bear responsibility, not just China. We need new rules to make all lenders publicly disclose loans to governments at the time they are given. We also need to see these lenders made to restructure and reduce debts,” Mr Jones said.

Burden

Last month, China’ s special envoy to Africa, Xu Jinghu, denied claims that Beijing was burdening Africa with debt, noting that China was Africa’s main creditor.

Indeed, data shows that the continent owes more to private lenders than to China.

“It is baseless to shift the blame onto China for these African countries debt problems. Their debt position has ‘been built over time even before we came in.

“We have to look at the fluctuations in the international economic situation vis-a-vis the price of minerals, their key exports. This is where the problem is, and not Chinese loans,” Mr Xu said.

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

Being The Other Woman

Being The Other Woman


Being the other woman – you know it’s wrong, you know your world will be shattered, but you do it anyway. You convince yourself that since you are not the one cheating, it’s okay. You convince yourself that all the “I love you’s” and all the open-ended promises actually mean something. It’s a fairytale; a world that you’ve created and are so wrapped up in that it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not.

Even though I knew everything was wrong and that one day I would lose everything, I went ahead and decided to be the other woman. I wasn’t blind but I was naïve. We had dated for a year already and after he two-timed me and the other girl, I should have given up. But I was weak; and he had my emotions and my heart wrapped around his finger. He begged me to hold on, to stay put for months on end. I did because nothing else felt right. He was my home. Everything about my world mingled with his and I was never strong enough to walk away. Instead, I let myself be treated as if I was worthless.

I so desperately wanted to tell the truth. I begged and I pleaded and no matter what, leaving the girlfriend was out of the picture. First, it was medical reasons, then it was he’d lose his friends, and then it was her parents’ divorce. I let myself be disrespected and at the same time, I was completely disrespecting someone else.

For those people who think it’s easy being the other woman, I am here to tell you it’s not. For those who think I’m a bad person, trust me I know what I did was wrong. Being the other woman hurts you as much as it does anyone else. I was the other woman for eight months – eight months of my life that I actively let someone else dictate; that I let someone else take away from me.

You feel worthless. You question why you were never enough, you beg for answers and you try to clear your conscience. You try to understand how something could feel so real and so amazing. How you could let someone trick you into feeling loved. Your mind races because you will always be the other girl and never worth the real deal.

What I am here to tell you is that picking yourself back up is nearly impossible. Your conscience will never be cleared and the questions you ask will never be answered. You’ll never get the time of day you deserve and you’ll continue to feel like you’re not worth it. Everyone tells you time heals everything. Time makes it worse – time makes you think and makes your mind race. Acceptance is the healing power. You accept that you knew what you were getting into when you started this, you accept that you will never get answers and you accept that you were not worth it to him. Then—then after all of that—you accept that you have to tell the next man you are with that you were the other woman—that you lied, cheated and covered up the truth. Tears will stream down your face but after you accept the truths, you pick yourself up and realize that for someone out there, you will be worth three things: love, truth and a committed relationship.

He Chose To Leave And He Doesn’t Get To Come Back

He Chose To Leave And He Doesn’t Get To Come Back


He got to fall in love. I got laid. And often. All the time actually if I wanted it. It was easy to go out and meet someone for something that wasn’t important. It was easy to find someone to spend fleeting moments with. It was easy to be with someone else in between cold sheets that once felt so warm with him. But he was in love now and I knew it wasn’t with me.

He walked away without a second thought. I got to think about what happened over and over again. I laid awake at night thinking about what he could be doing. I thought about all of the things we used to do together and wondered if he was doing that with his someone new.  I thought about how what happened between us and how many tears spilled down my cheeks the day he left. He didn’t look back as he shut the door for the last time.

He got off scot-free. I got debt. Emotional debt. Check. Financial debt. Check. Everyone tells you how lucky you are to get out of a relationship that’s sucking your soul but they also forget the expense it’s at. My health. My money. My life. It’s just never going to be the fucking same since him. And he didn’t have to worry about any of that.

He got to sober up. I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. Like so drunk I could barely stand. I’d giggle to myself. I was having all the fun all of the time on my own. I didn’t need him. I didn’t need anyone. That is until the hangover set in. Then I was just left with pain in my head and my heart. He didn’t wake up with a headache from the night before because he was trying to drown me out.

He got our old neighborhood. I got a new place. I packed my shit. Suddenly those walls that I used to love around us were causing my breathing to constrict. Those four walls made it so I couldn’t sleep or eat or function like a normal human being. So, I moved. I got acquainted with new streets and a new local pub. He got the comforts of home, our home, the one that’s no longer mine.

He got to avoid feelings. I got pity from everyone I know. Everyone knew how much I loved him. They knew how much I invested in him. They knew everything I did for him and how I’d drop everything to be there. It was embarrassing for them to know all that and to know then how he left. They gave me sad looks and told me I’d be better off. While they’re right, it still didn’t make it any easier. He got to go on living nothing had ever happened and no one had to give him any sympathy.

He got to let me go. I got to miss him deeply. I sent texts to my friends telling them how much I miss him. How much I craved to have him next to me again. I could never bring myself to dial his number to tell him but I know he knew. He knew how badly he shattered me when he left and he knew that he couldn’t come back. He knew when he left that he set fire to everything we had built and there was no going back. He got to let me go and pretend I didn’t exist in his reality anymore.

He found how hard being without me is. I got to be set free. Still, even though he knew couldn’t text me, it didn’t stop him a few months later. It didn’t stop him from telling me all of the words I wanted to hear back then and the words that just infuriated me now. He realized what he had and that he had lost it so now he was desperately trying to get it back.

But me? I was set free the second he left and there was no way in hell I was going back there again.

See more from home page

Saturday, 13 October 2018

This Is Why She Has To Ignore You When All She Wants To Do Is Answer


She thought you were gone. Like really gone this time.

She sat there mourning the loss of you even though you two weren’t a thing but when something feels like it is the pain is all the same.

How do you miss someone who isn’t even yours to keep? But you do.

You think back to the good memories and the good conversations and everything that made you smile about the person.

But the part you leave out is all the bad moments that brought you to your knees.

Then your name popped up on her phone. Usually, she sleeps through any noise but this time she woke up to see exactly how long you waited to answer just to say one word back. Why? Why now? Why answer so late when there’s nothing really to say?

So she falls back to sleep and your name pops up again days later. A different app and different conversation starter. Like you know exactly what to say to get her to respond to you.

And the truth is she wanted to answer. She wanted to talk to you. She wanted to know how you were doing. She wanted to tell you everything going on in her life since you ‘left’ …again.

Your coming and going should be something she’s used to but she’s never been one to handle goodbyes with grace.

But you didn’t leave you just lingered choosing to come and go as you wanted to.

She didn’t answer and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to hear from you or she stopped caring.

She can probably tell you how many days she sat waiting for you to answer. Waiting for your attention. But after one or two or three messages ignored she heard you loud and clear.

Her lack of response isn’t a sign of disrespect. It isn’t giving you a taste of your own medicine. It isn’t making some move in this game of the rules you created and recreated so many times just when she thought she had you figured out.

She didn’t answer because it hurts too much to. To cave and have you ignore her again because that’s always how it goes.

She texts you, you ignore her. You text her, she responds then you decide when you want to give her your attention.

Like some game, she didn’t even ask to participate in.

Thursday, 11 October 2018

South Africa: Nhlanhla Nene resigns over graft



South African Finance Minister Nhlanhla Nene resigned Tuesday over undisclosed meetings with the business family at the heart of a corruption scandal, dealing a blow to President Cyril Ramaphosa.

Nene was seen as one of Ramaphosa closest allies and a leading figure in the governments efforts to tackle graft that allegedly flourished under former president Jacob Zuma, who was ousted in February.

But Nene revealed to a judicial inquiry last week that he had met with the Gupta business family at their home and offices six times -- contradicting earlier statements that he had only met them in passing at social occasions.

I have decided to accept his resignation, Ramaphosa told a televised press briefing in Cape Town.

He added that Nene feared his testimony to the inquiry detracted from the important task of serving the people of South Africa particularly as we work to reestablish public trust in government.

Ramaphosa stressed that Nene has not been implicated in any act of wrongdoing himself and hailed him as minister who had defended the cause of proper financial management as well as clean governance.

Nene, who was widely respected by investors, served as finance minister from 2014 to 2015 until he was sacked by Zuma and was re-appointed by Ramaphosa earlier this year.

Nene apologised after giving testimony to the inquiry, which is probing allegations of systematic corruption under Zumas government involving the three Gupta brothers.

I was wrong in meeting the Guptas at their residence and not in my office or at least a public place, his public apology letter read.

These visits do cast a shadow on my conduct as a public office bearer. I deeply regret these lapses and beg your forgiveness.

Former central bank governor Tito Mboweni was named as Nenes successor.

The Guptas are a trio of Indian-born brothers accused of fraudulently profiting from vast government contracts and energy and transport deals under Zuma, who ruled from 2009 to 2018.

Ramaphosa has vowed to crack down on corruption as he tries to revive the economy and boost declining support for the ruling ANC party ahead of elections next year.

At the graft inquiry, Nene accused Zuma of pushing policies designed to benefit the Guptas, including a massive nuclear power expansion programme.

Nene, speaking under oath at the hearings, also said that his then deputy Mcebisi Jonas was offered Nenes job after Nene refused to back the nuclear proposals.

The inquiry, which opened in August, is investigating allegations that Zuma organised a web of graft at government departments and public enterprises in a scandal known as state capture.

South Africa, Africas most advanced economy, slipped into recession in the second quarter of this year, and suffers a stubbornly high unemployment of about 28 percent

Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With ‘Nice Guys’

Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With ‘Nice Guys’


But he never says anything negative about how I look, you’re thinking. He doesn’t judge me. Pointing out girls with supermodel good looks and simply muttering “fuck” under his breath is enough. Constantly complaining about how he barely finds any girls attractive is enough. “I’m a nice guy,” he says. “I’m just picky. It’s not like I treat unattractive women any different.” Even if you don’t want to admit it, sometimes you wonder if he means you.

Women are told that judging others on their looks is shallow. Men are told that it’s their right.

You probably think that you’re exempt from these judgements because this guy is your friend. Maybe you even feel special because he’s comfortable sharing these little nuggets of judgement with you. He must value you.

You are part of this. He does judge you, whether he says it to your face or not. “I only like fit girls,” he says, and you know that’s not you because you hate the gym and love French fries. “Don’t you think she’d look better if she lost weight? ” he says about a mutual friend who weighs only a couple pounds more than you. “I wouldn’t date her ,” he says after looking at a Facebook photo of another mutual friend’s girlfriend. It’s not like you asked. It would be different then.

I have plenty of male friends who are not like this. I’m sure they have preferences, but I don’t know what they are, at least not to this extent.

That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with having preferences. That’s normal and human. There is something wrong with a man telling his female friends that women without certain physical qualities are less valuable to him. Even when criticism isn’t aimed at you, it still shouldn’t be rolling around in your head. It’s as poisonous to your self-esteem as the covers of Cosmo were to you in your teen years. Be prettier. Be better, it seems this man is saying to you. You are not enough.

There are two categories of women to “nice guys:” fuckable and not fuckable.

You’re in one of those categories, and it’s probably not the latter if he hasn’t expressed an interest in you (because “nice guys” also believe any girl they like “just needs to give them a chance,” so if he wanted you, you’d know). That hurts even if you’re not attracted to him. You find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering what he sees. Does he tell his other friends he thinks you’re ugly and fat too?

But this is his problem, not yours. He might not be a bad person, but he’s certainly bad for you. You have a great time hanging out with him, and you agree on a lot of things, but that’s not enough. Expect more from your friends, and remember this: Someone’s not ugly because they’re overweight. You’re not unlovable because you don’t look like Emily Ratajkowski. He’s not a “nice guy” because he says so. You are enough, and you deserve people in your life who see that.

Love Is Not Destructive, But People Are

Love Is Not Destructive, But People Are


Love is not mean. People are when they say they love you and then hurt you. When they make you feel special and then drop you like you meant nothing. When they find a way to unlock your heart and then lose the key. People are mean when they treat love as a game of numbers, as a game of who cares less, as a game of how many hearts they could break before they get their heart broken and a game of how many people can chase them so they can feel wanted, validated, loved and get away with anything they want.

Love is not frustrating. But modern dating is; the fact that you don’t know where you stand, you don’t know how many people the person you like is talking to, you don’t even know if the person you like likes you back or if they just want your attention.

Love is not manipulative, but people are. When they want to keep you so they give you just enough to make you hope for more but they don’t promise anything so you don’t hold it against them. When they act selfishly one night because they were lonely or drunk or heartbroken and then change their minds in the morning. When they make you believe that they’ll stay, that they could be different but then they leave and become like everyone else.

Love is hard. But it’s not destructive. It doesn’t bruise you the way people do. It doesn’t belittle what you do or who you are. It’s not out to get you. It’s not intentionally breaking your heart. But the people you love could destroy you simply because they don’t know how to love or because they’ve never been loved. Sometimes people don’t know what love is and they keep trying on people’s hearts and end up breaking them. But real love is not destructive even if it’s hard. Real love is healing, it’s supposed to tame you and it’s supposed to make you stronger.

Love is magic. But people keep making excuses and finding reasons to run away from it. People let their work or their busy schedules stand in the way of love. They find ways to make it stop. They find barriers to make it not work. They put rules, limitations and deadlines. They use logic. They use numbers and statistics for emotions and feelings and then they wonder why it never makes sense.

Love is ethereal. Love is divine. Love is marvelous.

But people always find a way to ruin beautiful things or break hearts and associate it with love. People who don’t know how to love should leave the hearts that can’t live without it alone, the hearts that are yearning for it, the hearts that think that love is the reason we’re all here and the reason why we’re alive.

Someday I’ll Write About You, But Not Today

Someday I’ll Write About You, But Not Today



“Will you ever write about me?”

The sentence trickles out of your mouth with that same, stupid, goofy smile I’ve grown way too excited about seeing. Whether it’s over from the screen of my smudged phone while we FaceTime from the bar, or from behind a pillow at hour in the morning where we both should be sleeping. That smile makes my heart believe in things I’d once forgotten about. That smile is too much.

So there you are, asking questions I don’t have the answer to but the grin on your face makes me want to tell you anything that will keep you around, even if just for a second.

“Have you written anything about me?”

There are so many stories in my head. Some about what has already happened, some about what I wish would. I’ve painted pictures of how you made me melt the first time you said, “You’re here,” to me as I stepped in your direction. I could write a novel filled with what would happen were there not miles separating us.

I’ve started so many paragraphs, so many essays, so many things about you and just stopped. Not for lack of trying, because I write about you every night when there’s only one glass of wine on my table where there should be two. Not for lack of inspiration, because you are what muses are made of. It’s because of a lack of confidence.

Because I’m certain that once I do the permanence of something where you are the central player will have a permanence that you and I will never have.

I’ve put off immortalizing you in saying what I have to say because once I do, you’re no longer mine. It’s putting you out into the world to be poetry for someone else. And as long as I keep you in my head, no one else can touch us.

Even when there is nothing to touch.

Even when there is no us.

Because darling, I know you’re a work of art. I know that I could write sonnets about how it felt when you held me and songs about the way you grabbed my face with both hands when you kissed me for the first time. I know that I could come up with metaphor upon metaphor for how at home it was to finally hold you close and I know that I would never be bored of describing the way your skin felt against mine.

But I don’t.

And I don’t because once I do, that’s it.

Once I write about you, my words are all we’ll ever have.

I know I’m holding off on penning those poems, finalizing those fantasies, or hitting publish on those pages because you aren’t here. You’re behind texts and unbooked plane tickets and not holding my hand or pouring your own glass of Pinot Grigio. You’re far away instead of within reach; a phone call away but still away. You’re past highways and speeding tickets, instead of rolling over in my bed from across 600 sq ft and shooting that stupid, stupid smile in my direction.

I’m holding off on making you a story because once I do, you’re no longer mine.

And I so, so wish you were mine.

“What are you writing? Is it about me?”

For the time being, no. Someday I’ll write about you. I’ll write about the words I swallowed down instead of whispering them into your ear and the things you did to my body and my heart that made me want to believe that people are good and that you still care about me.

Someday I’ll write every word that you deserve and shout your name into the universe and let people be jealous of all the things we were and all the things we never got the chance to be.

But not today.

Today I’m keeping you hidden. Today I’m keeping you behind closed doors. Today I’m keeping you under lock and key and close to a heart that you never knew you had.

That you never even asked for.

No, today I am keeping you mine.

A Love Letter To The Future Love Of My Life

A Love Letter To The Future Love Of My Life



To My Next One, The One

This has been a long time waiting. I’ve had quite a bit of heartbreak and pain, mostly self-inflicted wounds on my way to you. I’m on pace to have the emotional endurance of Ted Mosby from How I met your Mother but it’s all been worth it. While most guys can’t stop thinking about who they’re going to sleep with next I can’t stop thinking about falling in love with you.

I’ve had to be patient on my road to you and that might be due in part to emotional setbacks I’ve had along the way. However, I smile at the thought of you having a beautiful voice, yet singing so bad in the car it makes our children giggle. I dream of moments where I can give you piggy-back rides on the beach. I dream of moments spent inside binge watching a TV show, I dream of shopping with you and being more than happy to go in the store while you try clothes on. I dream of summer days exploring and winter days snuggled up by the fire (although maybe still exploring).

I don’t know if we’ve met yet, or if you’re going to be coming in my life soon, but I know I already love you so much and wish we could have spent this time together.

I am so excited to go with you when you get your nails done and spend time with you enjoying the little things. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s to appreciate you and appreciate the little things. I long for the days to bring you flowers home for no reason other than to give you a reminder of my love. I long for the days where I get to see your beautiful smile and how it lights up my world. I long for the days to get lost in your eyes. I realize this might seem like a lot of pressure to anyone who is not you, but for you it won’t be.

On my way to you I used to think we’d be two halves making a whole, but now I know that you can’t complete me and I won’t need you to. Nor will you need me to complete you, and maybe that’s what’s taking us so long to find each other. We won’t be two halves making a whole looking for completion. We’ll be two wholes coming together as one rooted in Christ and I yearn to show you love the way Christ loves the church. I want to be a God-fearing, wife-honoring man. That’s where I’m headed and I am now able to happily and patiently wait and be content with myself and life in the meantime. I don’t want to be anything less than prepared to love you the way He wants you and created you to be loved and I am unable to do that without being content with my own life.

I hope you like good morning texts, random love notes, and forehead kisses because I will be full of them. Not a day will go by where I don’t tell you how beautiful you are, whether it’s you waking up with morning breath and no make-up on, or after you have showered, brushed your teeth, and gotten ready for the day. As we wait to be united I am doing my best to find and discover myself in the meantime and I’m finally having a blast doing just that. I’m finding pleasure in all the aspects that life has to offer, I love being able to put a spark of happiness in people and start a fire of joy. So many amazing moments await us and I know we’ll both be ready when the time comes. I used to think I would have a relationship like Pam and Jim, but I’m beginning to realize we’ll be more like Michael and Holly. It could very well take more time than we liked, but it will also be more than worth all of the waiting, the crying (maybe me more than you), and the heartbreak lessons along the way.

Because as I said earlier we won’t complete each other, but we will complement each other, whether strengths or weaknesses we will be ready.

We’ll be ready for what life throws our direction and we’ll find our strength and our peace in Him.

So, I say here’s to silly arguments and hot dates, here’s to every mountain we will climb and every sport we will watch, here’s to the good days and the bad days, here’s to grocery store dates when we get a babysitter, here’s to exploring the world with you and loving you as hard as I can, here’s to growing old with you and never letting go.

Happily and patiently awaiting your arrival: you’re beautiful and I love you.

The Top 5 Mistakes Women Make When It Comes To Men


Dating sucks. It can be fun, but sometimes it gives me the biggest headache. It gives me a bigger headache when I catch myself or one of my girlfriends making the same mistakes when it comes to dating.

Many women for some reason naturally overcompensate and lose themselves too quickly in the beginning of the relationship. We all have the one friend that disappears the moment they get a boyfriend, and then comes crawling back three months later after they break up like nothing ever happened.

I’ve taken note of the many recurring mistakes women make when it comes to dating, and how to fix them:

Forget Their Own Interests

He likes you for a reason, aside from your face and body. Having your own interests, routine, and way of life is what makes you stand out from the rest of the women. If you’re in a book club, don’t stop attending your weekly meetings because he wants to watch Game of Thrones . Or if you have yoga class every Wednesday night and he wants to take you to dinner on that night, tell him to work around it.

Don’t stop your world and everyday routine for a man you’ve just started dating. Continue to focus on yourself, your goals, work, and own interests.

Ditch Their Friends

This one bothers me the most out of all of these common dating mistakes.

A couple weeks ago I went out with a couple of girls and a majority of them had boyfriends. They weren’t able to fully enjoy themselves, left early, and some were even crying because their boyfriends didn’t like them out at night.

Let me point something very crucial… if a guy has guys night, he’s not canceling a night out with his boys for anything . If you say you need help folding laundry, he’s still going. If he’s going to Vegas for the weekend, you can blow up his phone all you want, but he’s not going to come home sooner.

So why do we women ditch our girlfriends or cancel plans to be with a guy? He’s still going to like you if you see him after your set plans. He may even find it sexy, too.

He wants to invest his time in a woman, not a puppy that will roll over and play dead on command.

Social Media Stalk

It’s pretty simple, if you’re not exclusively dating then you’re probably going to see something you’re not going to like. There were girls before you, he has female friends, and he is a human so he socializes through direct messages and comments on pictures. Spending your time trying to see who he may have been interested with in the past or if he met someone new over the weekend is a waste of your time.

You’re making yourself paranoid, filling your insecurities, and not making room for growth and trust.

Girls will comment on his photos, and his response is a reflection on the value he has for your growing relationship. If she’s a friend, he’ll tell you. However, if he’s putting flirty emoji’s on many girls photos, that’s a reflag you shouldn’t ignore.

* Side Note* Try to avoid subliminal messages on social media too. It’s immature. If you want to get his attention or if something’s on your mind, just tell him.

Attempt To Be “One of The Guys”

Those are HIS friends. Not yours. You can have mutual friends and keep it cordial, but don’t have all of his friends’ numbers and think your “besties”.

How would you feel if your man had all of your girlfriends’ numbers and was texting them to grab lunch? I would imagine uncomfortable.

At the end of the day, his friends will always have his back first. So if you and your man are in an argument and you confide with his buddies… they’re most likely going to relay the message back to him.

Stick to your own friends, be nice to his, and try not to tag along to every football game with the boys.

Put All Their Cards on The Table Too Soon

Everything must be earned. Whether it’s sex, a home cooked meal, or tickets to a basketball game. If you spoil him right away, he’s either going to think you’re easy, desperate, or both .

If you make him a four course meal and slaved hours over it, and you haven’t been dating him for more than a month, you’re overcompensating. If a man bought you a Chanel bag on a second date, you’d either think that you don’t have to do much to get more out of him or that he does this for everybody.

Don’t tell him your whole life story, the bad breakups you had that shaped you, or how much weight you want to lose right away. You don’t want to scare him away. Think of it like this: if a movie trailer gives the ending away, are you going to spend money and sit in a theatre to watch it? Didn’t think so.

Be confident, act like the queen you are, and watch him prove himself that he’s worthy of your time and attention.

PEOPLE-PLEASER

PEOPLE-PLEASER   Many people engage in people-pleasing without realising it, and the worst part is that it often leads to resentment when ot...